this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2023
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It’s late September in nowhere important. Weather’s gone stale. It’s humid, outright sticky.
The local chucklefucks lost their big homecoming chucklefuck match and the world feels a little bit smaller right now.
Around 2:30am, the 24 hour McD’s that sits on the edge of town has turned into its weekly staggering, stinking mess.
Someone’s drinking that orange hi-C mess like diabetes is a myth. Unfortunately they forgot they puked in the parking lot & that scope does not mix well with Orange Hi-C.
They pass by on the way to bathroom, burping up a minty bouquet with notes of Malibu, SoCo, Busch Light, & Blackberry Mad Dog 20/20.
Someone else has fallen asleep while ordering at the only functioning kiosk.
Someone else is adding food to the sleeper’s order…
And then there’s McKayakeleigyh….
She just wants a fuckin’ McFlursh with MMMMs.
She’s been sayin as much for the last thirty minutes. She already ate her nuggets and now she cain’t leave without mcflurrsshy.
As the manager informs our hero, for the 7th time, that the McFlurry machine is broken, McKayakeleigyh interjects:
“fuckin’ feeiixit”
“It’s broken, it needs a ne…”
“ffffFffFFFFFEEEEUUUHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXTTT”
The manager clutches desperately for the storewide channel currently open on the shoulder mic…
“schkkt You’ve prepared for this. Trust your training… CODE VIRAL!!! WE GOIN VIRAL Y’ALL!!!… ARCH. UP. BITCHES.”