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this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2023
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Feminism
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Also a man, I haven't tried being an "alpha male" because I'm not a toxic asshole, but let's not pretend it's not effective. Being genuine and kind has gotten me absolutely nowhere in the girlfriend department and the fact is the worst men I know all have girlfriends. If I was willing to be like that I probably would too.
I think what you're seeing as toxic asshole may actually be confidence. You don't need to prop up a woman as a perfect diety, you don't have to just be nice to them, you have to be a whole complete person. Being nice is the minimum, be more than that. Genuine and kind is the minimum expectation, not the whole package. You, the whole you, are the complete package. Your humor, your jokes, your stories, your interests. You aren't looking for a princess or queen that you have to bow down for. You're looking for a true life partner.
I hate to link reddit but this sums it up well. It's a read, and I'd suggest reading through it. God knows I used to think that way - and it was not a healthy thing for me to do. If you're thinking this way too then it may be time for some real, and I mean real introspection.
https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/comments/ke7t7c/women_dont_like_nice_guys_women_like_good_men/
I'm rooting for you bud, I really am. As cliche as it is, you just gotta be yourself. Don't look with envy at other people, be happy for them. Be a person who you can be proud of and other people will pick up on that.
I'm from a deeply broken home so I'm trying to relearn social interactions. I'll give that a read.
Me too bud, I had to relearn a lot. For me there was a ton of religious upbringing that taught me that talking to girls is taboo at all, and it didn't prep me at all for the real world. It took me years to realize that girls were just like boys when you're talking to them - there's literally no difference. Something a lot of people here would just eyeroll at but for me it was a major revelation. It took a very good (female) friend to help me realize that. She and I could chat for hours about video games, movies, whatever.
It's not an easy or fun job, working on yourself, learning how you handle different situations. It's a long process and personally I learned things about myself that I didn't like, I had to change. I remember thinking people I worked with thought "He's the cool mysterious guy" when it turns out they all thought "He's an absolute asshole. Avoid him". I took some hard punches learning all of that. But - I came out better for learning it.
I wish you luck on your journey. Self improvement pays off 100 fold and I fully support you for it!