this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2023
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There's actually some useful information here if you ignore the hyperbole.
If you act like a jerk and are mean to people, you will drive people away from your causes, even if you are taking a position that is strongly defensible from a moral and ethical view. If you take the view that "I don't have to do the emotional labor to educate you, OMG read some theory, you're fucking stupid if you can't understand this, you don't deserve to live if you think Y," etc. you aren't going to win people over. And yes, if you are always acting like an asshole, you're probably going to drive people away that believe similarly to you, because they won't want to be associated with assholes. That's human nature, and something that you need to learn to contend with if you want to win adherents to any political or social position.
In other words: leftists and feminists, fucking get over yourselves.. You may not want to put in the emotional labor because it's exhausting, but you know who will? Fascists, nationalists, misogynists, and religious fundamentalists. If you just want to make fun of and vent at people on the right, you're only creating a more insular group that more and more people are going to end up hating. See also: hexbear,
there's a number of inauthentic right wingers that happily pose as leftists online to spur these sorts of things, its not something you can stop by lecturing people in online spaces.
This is good in person advice but in most cases this is a mostly online issue where bad actors and children are over represented.
I've absolutely, definitely met people IRL that have argued in exactly the way I outline. ...Although "argue" is charitable, since they're just haranguing their ~~victim~~ subject. I've also known plenty of people that claim that they know they aren't going to change the mind of the person they're verbally assaulting--because people can't change, I guess?--but that they want to win the hearts of the people observing. ...Which they also aren't doing, since they're appearing to be mean-spirited to observers. (And yes, there's nuance here, and I still firmly believe in punching Nazis.)
David McRaney has been talking for a while about what actually works for changing the way people think and believe (and he just recently published, "How Minds Change"), and Anthony Magnabosco has been posting street epistemology videos on YouTube for years. Both of them have found--to be really reductive--that you need to emotionally connect with the person you're talking to, and you need to ask open-ended questions that allow them to consider the foundations for their beliefs.
And to your point, yes, that's hard to do online. I get it. I often fall into the trap of arguing instead of being empathetic. So I need to take my own advice.
My human nature wanted to rail against what you were saying at a certain point (especially when you called out feminists and leftists) since I can relate to your target audience, but yeah. Good words.
FWIW, I am very much a leftist. I'm mostly an anarchist, although I also recognize that having a large, diverse, functioning society is extremely difficult--bordering on impossible--without some degree of authoritarian control. (And I've also seen just how paralyzed radically democratic groups can get, when they have to vote on everything.) I want the people on the left, the people that want a more equal society, to do better, because I think we can be better.
Being kind to people--not fake kindness, not kindness with an agenda, but just kind--can go a long ways for leftists. For women, well, I'm not a woman. But having women as friends and them being open with me about what they experienced as women went a long way towards opening my eyes.
And, FWIW, I started from a position of being deeply conservative, very religious, and having absolutist views on gender identity and gender roles, and the godly nature of capitalism.