this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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Asklemmy
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My go-to is to ask what they like to do in their spare time.
A lot of the time you’ll get answers about how they have none or how it’s filled with chores, but you can always redirect and say, if you suddenly had a bunch of free time just for yourself, and you couldn’t use it to work, what would you fill it with?
In my mind the latter gets you down to what brings them joy, and in some cases how they want to see themselves, which can tell you a lot about a person.
Ugh, I hate this question so much!
What do you do in your spare time?
Stop, Patrick, you're scaring them!
This is great - it will get people to talk about something they like. I love that - and I always try to stay curious when people are talking, poke them with whys and hows to really get them talking.
Sometimes the easy thing is to ask a question out of politeness, then not really listen and just wait to get to talk yourself. But focusing on active listening and understanding will bring you much deeper in a conversation and the person you’re talking to.