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Is it wrong for 25M to date 19F? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I'm over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can't put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn't healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Don't be so pessimistic about it, i thought as you do. However, if you meet a person fitting to you, it is of no importance that you have no experience. I had my first date recently, probably ten years later than most. While i was embarrassed, it was no problem for her and she was very considerate to me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

As of me, I don't feel as comfortable. I'd rather stay alone than having to somehow compensate for all the experience that I don't have and will certainly be compared to and found lacking. I can't imagine a person comparing me with her ex and saying "yeah, I can settle for him"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh man...

Please don't let feelings of being less than due to inexperience stop you from pursuing a relationship if that is something you want. Don't worry about comparison - you can't control that. What you can do is present your best self, as you are, and let the chips fall where they may. You might be surprised.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Eh, personally I'm a bit too jaded by rejection, not romantically, but from potential friends turned bullies. So I have no intention of pursuing anything romantic unless I'm 110% sure that the relationship will work for me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Honestly, I think that when you love someone you never settle, you are excited that this person is in your life, even though they are not perfect. This is to say that once you fond someone that truly loves you their exs won't compare because you are the person that they want and it won't matter if one of the exs was better at some specific thing, you are better as a whole and they choose you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Welp, there lies part of the problem - I don't think I offer much in the way of anything, and in fact I have more needs than what I can offer back. Which is precisely why I don't have any friends either.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Everyone has something to offer to someone. Flaws are human, I can say that some of the people that I loved the most were also the most flawed people I knew, and it didn't stop me from loving them and wanting then in my life.

Life is not transactional, don't discount yourself because you might not see your own value right now.