Fedigrow

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To discuss how to grow and manage communities / magazines on Lemmy, Mbin, Piefed and Sublinks

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Federated Dating App? (lemm.ee)

submitted 12 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

31 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I was trying to explain federated websites to a friend and she asked if there is a federated dating app. She recently went through a break up and the apps are dreadful as I'm sure many of you know.

It'd be hard to launch a dating system on the fediverse because it the type of service that relies heavily on network effects. People want to be on the dating app with the most people. However, I think there is an opportunity because the mainstream apps are so notoriously awful, monetized, and enshitified.

It could be a community within an existing network or it could be its own website. I don't know, I'm just putting the idea out there.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

We have different takes about "pen pals". I don't want to message someone for weeks before meeting up. I do like

initial tailored message (eg: "Your profile says you love Kelly Link! Did you read her new novel? I really enjoyed it")
if they respond badly, exit (eg: "no")
one or two responses (eg: if they say "No! I've only read her short stories! Was it good?" then we can have a brief conversation about it)
clear any dealbreakers (eg: if i had a kid, i'd ask something like "Just wanted to make sure you saw the thing on my blurb about my kid. Are you cool with dating a single parent?")
If that all goes well, ask something like "Do you want to have a date and see if we get along in person?"

That's it. All done. Meeting up for a drink is low cost and low risk, but very information dense. I can get a better feel for if I want to invest in them after an hour in person than I can with a week of texting.

This is written from the perspective of a man who doesn't date men. I can't speak authoritatively about other experiences, but second hand none of my women friends have enjoyed prolonged texting without meeting.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

But that's the thing and of course, it's all down to personal preference. But if your chemistry and interest can't survive two weeks, it's not going to survive two years or two decades. We live in a society where it's now, now, now and part of our due diligence is patience. Anyone can feign interest over two or three messages, but how desperate are you (not you personally, you get what I mean)? So you take them out, you buy them a few drinks and then what? A couple dinners before you find out they're not what you thought? The same is achieved with just talking for a couple weeks. But each to their own. If it was one size fits all, the Match Group wouldn't be able to keep buying apps for millions of pounds. Dating is a means to an end to me, I get that for some it's a hobby or form of entertainment, but I have better things to do with my time than use it to test if I like someone. I could use that time to spend with someone I've already confirmed I like.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

I just don't think spending 2 weeks texting without meeting is going to give useful, accurate, information. The chemistry you're measuring there isn't what you'll have in real life.

A couple dinners before you find out they’re not what you thought? The same is achieved with just talking for a couple weeks

Strong disagreement here. The same is not achieved by texting and fundamentally cannot be achieved. There is too much stuff in body language, voice, and such that you're just not going to reveal over text. Plus other stuff like seeing how they interact with other people. Are they rude to the bartender? Do they road rage? There are whole worlds of information you can't get without spending time with someone in person.