this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2025
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Why stop playing music tho? Surely there is more to the world of music than just playing other people’s music in a dive bar?
Expand your horizon.
I've gotten everything I wanted out of it, and I no longer feel any emotional or psychological reward from playing music. I was originally not talking about playing other people's music though. I wrote my own, toured in a band playing our music, and sold my music in other countries. It was all relatively small scale though; not enough to supplement a normal job or anything like that.
You never even listen to a song and want to play along with it? Or do you not even listen to much music anymore?
I've never had much commercial success with music, and it's probably more brutal now than it's ever been, but I still love writing, recording, and jamming out with my favorite songs, so it's hard to relate. I've known people who gave up on the dream of "making it", but I've never known someone to stop playing music altogether.
Not anymore, no. I used to, but for the most part, no… not really. I’ll pick up my acoustic maybe once every 4-6 months for a 5 hour session but then I won’t pick it up again for another 4+ months. When I play that acoustic, I play the shit out of it… then it goes back into the box and I go back to my desk and write some more IaC. 🤷♂️
That’s hard to believe. Are you sure you didn’t just go down the wrong road with it and get burned out?
Playing bar gigs isn’t exactly a thrill and it’s no wonder it feels depressing.
I’ve always been of the opinion that if you’re not producing your own music and finding your own path then it’s largely a waste of time. There’s nothing interesting about being in a cover band.
Fair enough with where you are coming from; but I'm not trying to prove anything. I can only speak to my experiences but I want to clarify that I've never been in a cover band. I've done covers of songs, sure... but never been in a band with the sole intent of playing other peoples' music. I agree with you, that's a bit more soul crushing than what I did though.
There was undoubtedly a huge aspect of burnout involved - so you nailed that one. It's fucking exhausting going to band practice 3-4 nights a week after work, eating bullshit food (if you could afford it that week) that you got through the drive through on the way from the office to the drummer's house. It's exhausting carrying a 4x12 guitar amp cabinet up three flights of stairs to play some bar in Philadelphia.
I was playing progressive metal back in 2009-2012, and prior to that was a punk band 2006-2009. I've played at venues as large as the House of Blues, comic cons like Supercon in Miami, and Megacon in Orlando. I've played in bar basements in Manhattan, garages in North Carolina, run down music venues that share the strip-mall with strip-clubs, the 2600 club in Detroit, Ground Zero in Spartanburg, TN and biker bars in places like Mt. Dora, FL (just to give some examples of the vast span of different types of venues I may have ended up playing in). I've also played in festival shows similar to Warped Tour (but not Warped Tour). Non-signed bands during those years that I was active would have a pretty unpredictable set of places we'd be asked to play.
I stopped doing band stuff when I hit about 30 (or maybe it was 29 or 31... somewhere around there). I'm 41 now. When I was a kid picking up guitar for the first time at age 10, I never had the aspiration to make it as a "rockstar," largely because people told me it was unrealistic and unlikely; but I did have an intent to do 3 things (more attainable goals): I wanted to play at a big venue like HOB, I wanted to tour, and I wanted to have music that I wrote sold in a country that I hadn't been to yet. Those three goals were achieved.
I really disliked touring. It's uncomfortable, and I hate being in cars / vans / suvs for long periods of time. I hated hoping to rely on the kindness of stranger that would allow the band to sleep on the floor in their living room. I hated that I was putting roughly 10-15% of my income from my shitty (day) job that was paying me $27k a year into things like buying gas for vans with no efficiency whatsoever, getting stickers and t-shirts printed, trying to make my band successful, and to get more exposure, etc.
Getting on stage was always a little bit scary; so I drank more than I should have. Then I was drinking to be able to socialize after the shows. Then there's this whole aspect of "always being on" when you're at shows; like, constantly trying to sell yourself, your band, your music. There's an unspoken obligation to go to other local bands' shows too... so when I wasn't playing, I was going out to hear other music, drinking too much, and largely not using my limited time here very wisely. Not to mention, this too gets pretty expensive.
Got out of all that - went hard into upskilling my IT skills around 2010, and now I'm a Sr. Cloud Engineer earning a good living. Most of the music that's new and popular today, doesn't do it for me... except for some Rap, and reggae every now and again. In all, I think of the "music" part of my life as being in my past; and I'm totally ok with that.
Sounds like you gave it all you had and found out the hard way it wasn’t for you. Respectable. Sorry to hear it didn’t work out. I know I couldn’t do it. I don’t have the personality for all that stuff and I would be beyond exhausted.
I can’t blame you for feeling that way and wanting to rather be done with it all.
It’s a shame you can’t find any enjoyment out of it anymore. My original point being was that you can still accomplish a lot in the hobby space, producing music on YouTube, something small time that has no pressure. But that still requires motivation and inspiration, something that doesn’t come easily. But maybe one day it will come back to you.