this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2024
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Happy to see that somebody else shares the same situation.
I usually don't spend more than 24h around her anymore because that's the max I can handle pure smalltalk. But I haven't foubd a healthy way to handle this because it changed me as a whole over the last years where I kind of lost the ability to make deep interesting talks with everyone else too. How are you handling this?
For the most part, I just avoid topics I know will upset her, and I try to keep the conversation on topics I know she appreciates. It's just peacekeeping at this point. I feel like I lost her long ago and all I can do is try to keep her happy now. It's rough because I lost my father earlier this year and all I have left is my mother and sister, but they're both deeply conservative people and shut down any topics they're uncomfortable with instead of having open, honest discussion.
There are the occasional fights when I'm trying to relay something important and my mother won't listen. Like the fact that I'm fully retired as of 38 years old, only because I'm a 100% disabled veteran will full medical/dental benefits for life. But Trump plans to eliminate the VA benefits program and privatize our hospitals. Which means I won't be able to afford to live anymore and I'll need to find a job. This severely affects my life, but my mom doesn't believe it will happen and she doesn't want to discuss it further. I basically need to become homeless and destitute before she'll believe me, and even then she'll probably have an excuse about how this is thanks to some obscure program Biden set up in the past.
Outside of my mother (and sister), though, I'm uncompromising. If I meet someone like my mother, I do my best to talk with them and have a meaningful conversation. If they won't allow it, then I'm done with that person. I won't keep people like that in my life; having to deal my mother is stressful enough.
You may ask why I keep my mother and sister in my life at all. The truth is, I grew up in a very loving, caring family and I've always gotten along with my family members well. I love them all and they love me too. I'm not going to let political discourse destroy my family, and I'll still be here to help them when political decisions affect their lives. My sister even told me she'll gladly take in my wife and I if we do end up homeless due to some policy change.
It's just frustrating that I feel like I need to wear a mask in front of my mother and sister now. I'm not as open with them as I used to be and it eats away at me because I care for them so much.