Ladies and gentlemen, as is tradition when this utter foolishness is discussed, may I present: Texas Annie, performed by The Wet Spots

Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line 'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime

Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso

Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear? And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable For a prison term of twenty-seven years