this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2024
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US Authoritarianism
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Could've used a proofread
One of the best pieces of advice I got on my writing was to take out 2/3 of my -ly words.
He just put all his stats into charisma
Writing style aside. It's concise and doesn't preach. It's a statement of admission and motivation. Nothing else.
Disagree on concise which was the point of my whole comment.
Read:
To the Feds, I'll keep this short, because I do respect what you do for our country. To save you a lengthy investigation, I state plainly that I wasn't working with anyone. This was trivial: some elementary social engineering basic CAD, a lot of patience. The spiral notebook, if present, has some straggling notes and To Do lists that illuminate the gist of it. My tech is pretty locked down because I work in engineering so probably not much info there. I do apologize for any strife of traumas but it had to be done. These parasites had it coming. A reminder: the US has the #1 most expensive healthcare system in the world, yet we rank roughly #42 in life expectancy. United is the [indecipherable] largest company in the US by market cap, behind only Apple, Google, Walmart. It has grown and grown, but as our life expectancy? No the reality is, these [indecipherable] have gotten too powerful, and they continue to abuse our country for immense profit because the American public has allwed them to get away with it. Obviously the problem is more complex, but I do not have space, and I do not pretend to be the most qualified person to lay out the full argument But many have illuminated the corruption and greed (e.g.: Rosenthal, Moore), decades ago and the problems remain. It is not an issue of awareness at this point, but clearly power games at play. I am the first to face it with such brutal honesty
Much punchier. More direct. Adverbs are fine in moderation but this was way too many.
well actually
FTFY
He did a fine job for not being a writer or even really attempting to be one. Sure it could have been better but it was more than good enough.
The writing was very bad imo but it's the message that's important here
Honestly, based on the class average for "political killing manifestos" it's at least a passing grade.
It's not an A, obviously, but met expectations and was clear in message, solid B- imo.
If there isn't already an SMBC comic where an English professor supervillain threatens to blow up the Earth for the sole purpose of showing the public what a well written manifesto looks like then there should be
He should have had his manifesto/confession proof read???
Perfect is the enemy of good
It just sounds sophomoric. It's charming in a chuuni sort of way but come on, read Industrial Society and then this. Night and day.
Pretty clear you're a Karen.
And I thought I was bad whining about the fake manifesto that people were pushing around earlier.
I can't beleive this guy didn't use MLA approved style for his confession note, crazy world.
Prose =/= format
MLA handbooks have a lot of style advice