Games

It's fortunate to see this thread, as I just so happen to have something games related that I want to rant about and see the opinions of the comrades. Glad to see you back, Makan.

So. About ten or a bit more years ago, I was at this superhero RP place (I was younger, cringe and marvelbrained), and many folks there were big fans of the Metal Gear series - to the point of blatantly ripping off concept and characters. One fellow even made a "Diamond Dogs PMC". Others were all "Remember the basics of CQC" and all that jazz.

Listening to them talk about MGS made it appear as a serious and immersive stealth thriller, with a deep lore and deep philosophy that makes one pause and ponder. Now, ten years later, I was randomly reminded of MGS existence by a colleague (as I understand he just likes stealth actions). So what do I do? I go and see if my steam library has any. It does - my brother has MGS V in his library which I can access! Hurray!

So I've decided to try it, and well... Let's just say I liked the Ultramarines movie more.

The loading before the main menu is an endless slog of "dlc this, logging into servers that, look at our privacy agreement, and now another one". Okay. Start the game, and that's where the real show begins. It takes one hour or more just to waddle through what is essentially a prologue and teaching the controls. And it's trying SO hard to be "cinematic" it just ends up silly.

Oh here we have a spy thriller intro, with gritty stuff like human teeth embedded in your skull! Oh next we have a super sneaky spec ops chick killing a nurse while the doctor doesn't notice! And the protag apparently can't even gesture to bring Doc's attention to it!

Now we have Satan Man! Oh no, he's impervious to bullets! But wait, he is defeated by a sprinkler! And there's creepy gasmask girl that looks like everyone's edgy OC from 00's! She has much telekinesis! Except she apparently can't move people and just throws rocks and shit. And it just goes on and on with this. Spoopy gasmask wearing russkies indiscriminately murder random patients! But also can't notice two guys hiding under the bed.

Oh no, they're checking the bodies and popping them in heads just in case! But now they've decided to stop, because our protagonist can magically hold his breath (despite being unable to walk five minutes ago) and also because mysterious helper peed under himself or something. The horseback chase was just one ginormous pile of ridiculous, and I'm saying this as a Warhammer fan ffs.

Also the helicopter looked stupid, why not just use a proper Mi-24?

The first actual mission is taking place during "Soviet invasion of Afghanistan", with Ocelot (fuckin cowboyyboo) ranting about le ebil Soviets and brave resistance and how protag's supposed "private army" (!) is helping them resist. Wew, such Rambo. And it straight up lists "Soviet airborne brigade" as the enemy - right after taking a pause to add Ocelot's eyewear to the title screen. Because I guess it's funni. The titles, my god, the endless titles. It's trying to be a movie, to the point I have to wonder why it was made a video game to begin with.

So all in all, I am not merely disappointed, I am severely displeased. What was originally sold to me by the fans as this cool spy thriller, turned out to be nothing more than capeshit in a different wrapper.

Rant over.