this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2024
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I do it with my kids. Not because I don't want to hear the process, I do, but I want them to think about the root cause of why they do the things they do. Oversimplified example; why didn't you do your homework? Well, I didn't think about it. Ok, why didn't you think about it? I was focused on (x thing). Sure, so why weren't you able to remember you had homework? Etc, until we find what the reason was.
It's like a 5 whys or drill down method. The root is the reason, almost everything before it is an excuse. Essentially I'm attempting to teach them to do this on their own to improve their problem solving abilities and, because they're both ADHD, like me, to teach them to coping skills.
But yes, at work it's often just an excuse to push an agenda in a demeaning way.
But what you do with your kids is getting the explanation from then, to get to know the process & "cause" (just a bit more guided for obvious practical reasons).
I was arguing that mid management & SB often don't actually have any agenda to know & understand the reasons, just to keep the pressure & simple taking points that are so oversimplified that they don't represent anything tangible and thats fine for everyone.
(The opposite of you & your kids)
Oh I totally got that. I was just trying to offer an alternative use of "reason" vs "excuse". My parents use it too, but, as you've explained, in an attempt to establish hierarchy and remind me of my place.
And a shit ton of bosses who've done the same. I think it can be a useful tool but it's almost never used that way.