this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2024
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I mean, I didn't have a partner till I was 20, and didn't have any friends (aside from partners) till I was almost 25.
It is super discouraging, after a lot of effort and crying, I finally have a pretty satisfying social life. It's not impossible.
I pretty much re-invented myself around 20 and became a much better person for it and have had a pretty great life for the past fifteen years or so.
Ironically I had a lot of friends growing up but almost all of them turned into garbage monsters and I actually chose to be friend-free outside of my significant other not long after 20 and I really don't miss the friend experience. I do have a lot of casual acquaintances and my wife tells me I'm great in social situations but I just don't feel the need any more to expend energy on friends when I have my family and hobbies.
Same. I was an absolutely horrible person. Was a total failure headed for jail. Finally realized it one day when my ex girlfriend sprayed me with mace. Was that day, face puffy and swollen, that I realized I had become bad guy that people live in fear of. I completely reinvented myself. Lost all of my friends, girlfriend, apartment, basically everything. Joined the military with $200 in my bank account and no debts unpaid. 10 years later and I have a successful career, good friends, wife, and expecting my first child in two months from now.
Yeah I started dating at 20. I’d always had friends but it for so much easier in my 20s to befriend people who treated me right.
Yeah it sucks. But also, anon’s advice is true. A huge step for me was getting the fuck over myself. Anon isn’t doomed but he has his work cut out for him
I don't know, I feel like anon's advice is misguided at the very least.
It assumes that OOP is more or less choosing to be this way, instead of struggling with issues outside their control, be it self-image issues, anxiety, depression, money or a myriad of other things. Depending on the particukar combination and severity, anon's situation may not change for a very long time, including forever.
I believe proper advice would focus on making them accept their situation. It's OK to have no friends or partner(s). They are not a necessity in order to live a meaningful life. Perhaps it won't be the most meaningful life possible but it is certainly possible to find meaning while feeling lonely. Though finding a job is somewhat important, especially if they live in countries without social welfare, they should focus on that for a bit.
I don't have any positive stories to share on how I overcame the issues anon is facing - considering I'm in my early 20s and have nearly all the same one's. But acceptance has helped me cope with my situation in a not unhealthy way and reduced some of the pain of loneliness and self-doubt.
I didn't have mine until I was 23. That's when I had my first kiss too. I'm also a huge lesbian. It's a bummer for sure, but definitely was NOT the end of my life.