this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2024
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Personally i didn't really have performance anxiety, but I would get really pumped every match with my pulse racing and sometimes even my hands shaking afterwards. I always had to take breaks in between ladder games, only after an hour or two it would normalize enough to queue repeatedly.
The cheese didnt bother me much, I always loved macro and did that every game behind good scouting, often leading to some timing attack I built up to like a stim bio timing or tank marine drop.
I can't really put my finger on it but it's almost like the game gave me imposter syndrome, as if by some fluke I was where I was at, and everyone was probably much more knowledgable about timings and map awareness. Felt a little more risky than it should have, trying risky things, that kinda thing.
There wasn't any sort of MMR-based practice mode where I could just fuck around and not be a tryhard against similarly-rated players and I think that kind of fed into that, like if you want an even matchup it's gonna be on the book so you gotta play to win at all times.
At some point I just felt committed to trying to win every match, eventual weird vibes from it