this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
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You can't really help someone that doesn't want to be helped, until they want it you can only be supportive and an inspiration/showcase/model.
The way to break out of it is to focus on your zone of control and do small, but noticeable things. Even if you can only decide where the papers on your desk go, start there and put them where you want them, then practice putting them back in their new place as they move around.
Build upon that success with other small wins in areas you can affect, and slowly the zone will grow bigger.
I have a friend like that, or will had a friend like that. They simply refused to do anything to help themselves and when given the option we're helping themselves was the easier less difficult task to do would intentionally choose the harder one to harm themselves.
This seems to happen because of self-esteem issues, believing that they simply cannot get better and when given the option rather than debunking their internal monologue of helplessness they will act to reinforce that monologue because otherwise they would have to take on the arduous task of exorcising their inner demons.
And the thing is, if you believe something hard enough it will become true.
If you believe that you are a piece of shit destined for misery and failure you will ultimately act in ways to ensure that you encounter misery and failure in your life.
I struggle with that myself but I am aware of it and I'm getting better and I'm doing the work to evict my demons. I will overcome.
Just wait and see.