this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2024
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I am gay. I have a gay friend who uses that term in a "taking it back" sense.
I love my friend and respect him but it hurts so bad it's to hear that. It's honestly triggering to me because it reminds me of middle and high school.
I wish he wouldn't use that term but maybe it is okay if we really are taking it back.
I have talked to some elder gays who seem to feel the same way about other terms like "lesbian" so maybe it really is a generational aversion to the slur of the time.
I don't like feeling genuinely upset but I am willing to endure it if it means progression for LGBTQIA+ ppl.
Anyone who has a thought about this pls reply. Would really love to hear non-straight folks opinions on it, but even willing to hear straight folks opinions as long as they are respectful and non-violent. ♥️
Queer person checking in. I too dislike the F-slur because like you say, it takes me back to the worst periods of my life when that was the worst thing you could call a person.
When I was a kid, the common way to express that you didn't like something was to call it gay. And usually it had nothing to do with gayness either, it'd be like "You signed up for soccer instead of hockey? That's pretty gay." "Math class is gay." "Homework is gay."
Even before I knew I was queer that bothered me. And the funny thing was if you called someone out for it, they'd weasel out of it by saying they didn't have anything against gay people, you just call things gay if you don't like them. They just didn't see how that was wrong which made it even more frustrating to me. Like, they admit that gay = bad but then say they have nothing against gays? Well, what more can you expect from children?
Nowadays it doesn't seem like things being gay is so bad. I've definitely proudly called things gay, and it feels like the word 'gay' is being taken back. So with time maybe that can happen with the F-slur, but for me now it's still a super triggering thing.
At least gay has some positive etymological history as well as negative. F-- only has two meanings, and the vastly more common one is incredibly violent. The only thing I've seen remotely close to trying to "take that word back" is maybe Martin in the Simpsons in a throw-away gag about his pure nerdy naivete. And that's not particularly close.
I think I remember that bit, Martin was trying to convince us that "apes together strong" but the boys weren't having it. He used the two-syllable pronunciation too, which I'd relate to using the N-word with a hard R.
I don't really relate that bit to "taking the word back" though because I guess I don't think of Martin as being gay. I mean, he's 10 years old so he probably isn't really anything yet. Then again, he is often shown to be effete and I'm sure some of the kids have called him gay before.
To me that joke was all about shock factor. It was like saying "Hey, look at this dirty word we just got away with saying on television! It's not dirty because we used it correctly, instead of the way you expect to hear it!"
Ok, if I may make a jovial tangent for a moment: I love that you used the phrase “elder gays”. It evokes imagery of this high council of gays where they hold tribunals and wear robes, and have stereotypically gay music playing in the background as if it were your own version of Gregorian chants echoing through the hallowed halls of gaydom.
That would be so epic. And yes, I have adhd. 😁
I feel like it's been taken back for a while already. A gay community in the states has a dance party they call "f@g bash" which made me wince the first time I heard it. But if anyone has a problem with it I haven't heard about it and it's been ongoing for several years.