Microblog Memes

Oh man, it's weird how things like that can vary between areas.

For me, the seller always says they've shipped the package.
All delivery entities will agree that it hasn't been given to them yet, but that the seller just created the label.
UPS will confidently claim it will be there tomorrow.

Once they get the package, USPS says it will be there in 3-5 days. It usually shows up in 3-5 days. If it can be somehow believed to be possible to fit it in a mailbox, it will go into the mailbox along with 6 pounds of used car advertisements.

Once UPS gets the package two days later, they realize they can't possibly deliver it yesterday like they said, and update things to "delayed" and stop giving updates. When it shows up 3-5 days later, the driver throws it at the porch and drives away at 60 mph through a residential neighborhood.

FedEx gets the package the next day, and says they'll deliver in three days. On the fourth day, the package says it's on time for scheduled delivery yesterday (that actually happened to me once, pretty sure it was a timezone bug, but it was still hilarious). It will then update to delivered with the package nowhere to be seen. Support will tell you that they understand this can be frustrating and do nothing. A van will deliver the package the next day and tracking will mark it as delivered on time, immediately after the update saying it was delivered late the day before.

Amazon sends a man dressed in all black wearing a ski mask to leave an unpackaged bottle of gummy vitamins on your porch at two in the morning. His "I swear I'm not here to kill you" hi-viz vest is just barely poking out from under his hoodie. The mind boggles at why this service is either free or desirable to anyone.

Then there's DHL who last time someone used them just gave the package to USPS and I was unsure why they were even involved.

USPS is hands down the least mysterious or confusing. Also my mailman waves at me if I'm outside, so they get bonus points for that one dude being friendly.