Asklemmy

I used to live in Bogota, Colombia for a couple years. The part of the city I lived in apparently just emptied on New Year’s Eve. It was eerie. The only people around were the various sketchy types.

Well, my friends and I stayed in, tripping on acid. We were just lying around, sitting on the stoop smoking, etc. One of my friends got some coke, went to meet up with a friend and go out.

Well, a couple hours after midnight, maybe 1:30 or so, I get a call from said friend. Now, he was on coke and we were on acid, so the vibes between us were way off. I’m not sure if anyone has ever taken acid and hung out or talked to anyone on coke, but I DO NOT recommend it.

Anyway, he calls in a panic because he’s at the bar up the street, he didn’t speak Spanish very well (and I, my friend and the two Colombian women we were with obviously did), so he called saying some guys weren’t letting him leave the bar, telling him they’d kill him when he came downstairs.

He said the bartender even told him he could stay at the bar overnight. Weird. But, he was on coke and didn’t speak the language, so entirely possible it was a huge misunderstanding.

Anyway, the four of us get this call and talk amongst ourselves about how we really didn’t want to get up, but we kinda had to. So we’re walking the few blocks, the four of us and a dog (she was an excellent dog, Kira. She was beautiful and chill but was protective of us when need be.)

We’re kinda strolling, tripping, laughing as we head toward the bar. A cab stops next to us, asking if we want a ride. We stand there for a second, debating whether or not that would make us safer in case we walked into something dangerous…but really didn’t factor in that there were four of us and a dog and we were going to pick up a fifth person. The cabbie was cool as we all, giggly and stupid, laughed liked maniacs trying to squeeze in.

We explain where we’re going, that we’re trying to pick up another person. Whatever, the guy was cool enough, so off we go around the block. As we pull up, a group of people is walking away. One of the people I’m with knew them, they say hi, and we pull up to an otherwise empty street.

After that group of people walks away, this street is deserted. So we get out, assuming everything is good. We ask the cabbie to pull over a little ways away and we might take a ride back. Well, as soon as he pulls off to park, this insane guy comes running up from behind us, shouting in our faces. Making a lot of noise, gesticulating wildly, generally pulling all of our attention to him.

Kira is barking like crazy, she’s pulling at the end of her leash, my friend holding her back as she clearly sees this dude as a threat. My friend holding her just looks at me like, “what are we doing here? This guy is nuts” with a sort of dismissive expression.

But then I see his eyes look past me, so I turn around, and see another guy on the other side of the street. And another two guys coming up the other street. We’re getting surrounded. Where these guys came from I have no clue. They were just like coming o it of the shadows.

And then there’s this super off-putting, really quiet, just…plain evil looking guy that suddenly slides up from behind us. It felt like he just fuckin apparated next to us. Dude made my blood run cold. No joke. I’ve never gotten such a bad feeling from someone before. I really can’t express to you his vibe. In this weird crew, he just seemed like…the killer. There’s no other way to describe it. He just had that aura about him.

That’s when I realized the first guy was serving as a distraction while we got cornered.

We start edging around these guys to the middle of the street, trying to keep them from backing us into the corner we were initially standing by. They keep trying to get in our way, but they couldn’t get too close because, thank god, Kira was going fuckin nuts. I genuinely think she saved our lives, because she was creating a barrier around us that no one could really get past without getting chomped. But, weirdly, neither of these two that were right in our faces even paid her any mind whatsoever. They avoided her, but they never looked down, they just kept looking straight at us.

So I start waving wildly to the cabbie, who is sitting half a block away, watching all of this. I’m making eye contact with him as he surveys the situation from the safety of his car. There are like six of these guys. All converging on us. And he was definitely considering driving away. I’m actually surprised he didn’t. In bogota, there’s not really any feeling of any stranger ever having your back. I truly felt, in all of the multiple scrapes I got myself in, that I was on my own. Even a few of my own friends stepped back and refused to risk their safety when a different dude tried to stab me (story for another time).

After a few moments too long for my liking, he finally makes a move to come pick us up. The one guy is still screaming at us, the silent guy is still just fuckin staring silently with those fuckin Manson lamps, and the rest are just encroaching more and more from every direction.

We fuckin slip back into the car, get away for a second, this cabbie drives us around the block once, and I call my friend to be at the bottom of the stairs when we circled back around. We pile him in on top of us and just…escaped with our fuckin lives.

It was the most bizarre situation that I ever truly felt like I was in serious trouble. It could’ve gone so wrong if Kira and this cabbie behaved any differently.

Oh, and when we got my friend in the cab? It was that initial group of acquaintances that was apparently doing the threatening. Not the seriously dangerous crew we tangled with. So who knows if it was even true in the first place.