madamarie

i want to make alterations to a default seed minecraft world on a large scale (eliminating land, extend rivers, make mountain ranges, ecc...) for a mc world I've been working on for the last few years. In short, i want to make it a big island with mountains, valleys from an already generated world. Is there any mod or program that could make something like this? (i already have world edit but it's not enough for what i have in mind)

I didnt get hospitalized, though I saw my psychiatrist. She reccomended a therapy catered to my needs as a neurodivergent person (probably with the same who diagnosed me, hopefully). I cant say im happy but a little relieved by not having to be hospitalized

im fed up with everything. I decided to hospitalize myself bc i cant take it no more, im extremely exhausted from life. Im a burden to everyone, i deserve no other outcome

is there anyone particularly familiar with minecraft mods or map editing softwares. Im trying to customize a seed generated map to be an island and to modify certain details. Feel free to dm me as this post is not very in-theme with the community but i couldnt find a specific community for that which im looking for. Thanks in advance

lately i've noticed i don't have the energy to go to uni, bc everytime i do i have to go through 30 minutes of traffic made up of literal idiots who are just unable to not make the road more dangerous (not putting on turning lights when switching lanes, not looking at their rear view mirrors, ecc...) and i can't really avoid it since my uni is in the dead center of the city. Then when I get there i just can't follow the lectures bc i get distracted constantly and then traffic again but even worse bc i leave at rush hour (my classes are from 4PM to 6PM). I'm really tired of having to go there bc my classes are very late in the day and they are all at the same time, and when I get home I'm just totally beat. The worst part is, i still live with my parents and they expect me to go every single time and if i don't it's gonna be a screamfest about how worthless i am and sometimes even threatening to stop funding my studies. These are the same people that basically accosted my autism and adhd to "being just lazy/just having fun breaking their balls" even when I'm going through a meltdown. I don't have the means to move out, I'm scared of how I'd handle a job (since I'm not diagnosed by the state i don't have access to accomodations) and can't even sustain myself with a part time job in this country, bc if i had to do 40 hours a week with uni I'd simply go nuts. Over the last few months I've been feeling trapped without any motivation to keep going to uni and i have no one to turn to, no one that'll make my parents understand that I'm having a hard time and that I need space. Sometimes i ask myself why does it have to be so hard.

people were curious about my musical project, so here you have it. I hope you like it :)

context: i have a musical project on my own (had a line up but i broke it off bc we werent getting anywhere) and I would really want to expand it, maybe find someone who is willing to play my music, but its been hard. My music is a little complicated both rhythmically and compositionwise and its hard finding ppl who can keep up with it and that's understandable: not everyone has grown up listening to jazz and is a music theory nerd like me. The problem is, my former drummer entered a band that does the same genre i do (shoegaze) and they're already taking gigs and whatnot. Thus i feel like I'm behind in that regard, that i will never be able to make my music into something. Rn it's more of a bedroom solo project and I'm afraid it'll just keep being that

context: i met this girl on tinder who's is on the spectrum, we talked for a bit and then exchanged our ig accounts, but she hasnt replied since. I dont understand what happened, if shes just busy, needs time or lost interest. I have no way to tell and im too scared to ask. What should I do?

yesterday i visited a friend and we were talking about stuff, and i involuntarly interrupted him and started infodumping and stuff. When he told me he wasnt finished i felt so ashamed and i apologized, then he said "don't worry about it. I know that you don't do it with bad intent. You're autistic and i don't mind that much when you do it. I understand that sometimes you have these moments where you go off talking about stuff. You have a disabilty and that's ok, don't fret" (paraphrased from italian, the message i got was this) and for the first time, i felt understood and it made me very happy. I'm lucky to have such a good and understanding friend.

CONTEXT: in r/autism there is a rule that prohibits autismspeaks propaganda to be shared. That's because autismspeaks is a literal eugenics organization that only cares to eradicate autistic people and find a "cure" to autism (which is an anti-scientific take as you can't cure autism and it's been known for a long time to be just a different kind of brain structure)

ok now that we got that out of the way here's the story:

I had a little identity crisis about my diagnosis (lvl 1 autism) and vented about it expressing my anxiety on the topic, and then a user replied inferring that i was self-diagnosed and sent some articles showing the raads-r (the test i took with my specialized psychologist) not being accurate: one of these studies was funded by autismspeaks (which is not allowed by the rules of the same server) so I told the mods about it. These are the logs

So then seeing i was going nowhere I posted my account of the story, and got my post taken down by mods, posted the logs, and they took it down. I don't have logs of my further conversations with the mods, but in one message they said "if we let propaganda on, we're in the wrong, if we suppress discussion we are in the wrong" not even acknowledging the gravity of the situation. Then i made this post calling out the mods for not doing their job, it got taken down, posted a screenshot of it again, took that down and banned me.

they took down my post under the guise of "continuing discussion that has been resolved" which was not at all resolved bc the link to the autismspeaks funded paper was still there and they didn't take action towards the user who posted that. They only did that bc my posts made them look bad, as letting a eugenics organization against autistic people have their propaganda posted on a half a million users subreddit from all over the world is something reprehensible in an autism community which is supposed to be a welcoming space for autistic people. To reddit mods it's always about the powertrip and even in a community that should be welcoming to autistic people they are not willing to take a stance and make people abide by the rules.

Im in yippieee mode rn, in spite of recent events. Or because of them. I really connected with my autism these last few days. Being in autism communities really showed me what it looked like for me. I love connecting with my autism and discover parts of myself that weren't that apparent to me or i didn't know about.

Through the r/autism incident i learned about my strong sense of justice and my commitment to do things that are right to me, like pushing through for something i believe is right. I couldn't sit and watch something as heinous as that which happened there and even though I was fighting alone i was relentless on calling out the indifference of the mods there. I pushed through, lost sleep, got picked apart, got my posts taken down and i was still uploading them even though it was obvious i was gonna lose, i still pushed through bc i was hoping people would pick up on it and realize what happened was unacceptable. The mods didn't scare me, the bans didn't scare me and when i got banned i was angry that there were no results, bc they got away with something that damages autistic people and i find it utterly infuriating, but as i metabolized this event i realized this, and after a long time, i feel proud of myself.

I also wanted to touch upon stimming, which is my favorite part of autism. I love stimming, even now I'm stimming as i write this. It just feels me with joy and happiness and whenever i can, i go stim stim like a steam train. I was thinking about how the word stim reminds me of a steam train, maybe bc of the assonance. Which reminded me when i was on a steam train in Switzerland as a kid i was singing imitating the sound of the train i was going "choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo" for the whole trip and i think it's one of my best memories.

Remember the post i made about echolalia? These days i realized that everytime my cats meow i meow back at them imitating their pitch, or i just say a string of things i say over and over again, but i don't do it with people in front of me. The other day i was on my vespa going to uni and i was repeating a specific scene from the sopranos season 6 episode 1, where they're digging in uncle jun's yard looking for some money he believed was there and keeps repeating "forty thousand i had, my share from the (idk what he says here) from the 70s", and even though i was kinda trying out the scene to sound as accurate to the actors as possible but i just kept repeating it over and over again. so yeah, i have external echolalia, i figured it out today

What else? i can't think of anything else. I'm happy! happy! happy, i like the word happy! Right now I'm happy to be autistic, bc it feels so much fun to me, all the little quirks i have, i embrace them. I'm happy to be me after all this time.

Thank you

the mods of r/autism banned me for repeatedly calling them out on their bullshit bc they wouldn't address it. It's incredible, no matter the neurotype, mods are always the same hypocritical powertripped manchildren who never take accountability bc they think they are god for managing a subreddit. I pity them really, and i can proudly say that for all that is worth, that even if i have my problems at least I'm not one of those pathetic slobs.