Krrygon

Huh, a long faucet ad in Vietnamese posted to the Star Trek lemmy community. How in the world has this come to pass? lol

I had this building feeling that it was something I wanted for myself, and it was growing for a long time as I came to understand more about my identity. I was also deeply afraid though, so I totally get what you mean. I thought that I'd have to commit all the way from the get-go, and that sudden physical changes would mess up my life.

I talked with a transgender friend of mine, and he reassured me that it was ok not to know my destination, and I could just start E on a low dose, go slow, and see how I feel. It's a lot less frightening when you know you can change your mind whenever.

I just ended up finding that the longer I was on it, the more like "myself" I felt, and that point where I changed my mind never came. It is so much easier to get started on something big like transitioning if you take it a tiny bit at a time and check with yourself to see if you're still on the right path for you.

My week is good! Weather is warmer over here, so I got to try out some of my new summer outfits, which was very affirming. I also took some measurements to determine my cup size, which according to the calculator is 32DD. Pretty pleased with that! I know cup size is meaningless without band size but it is funny to tell my friends that I have double Ds lol.

Other than that, just been gardening and working like normal!

Oh my! Unexpected frost is the last thing you want. I'm glad you're prepared though, seems like those plants are in good hands!

I just finished planting a bunch of melons and amaranth yesterday. This year, I'm intent on harvesting amaranth seeds and doing my best to make some edible bread out of the flour! We'll see how it goes. We don't have the biggest garden this year, but we have enough to keep us busy. Been fun, so far!

It was pretty good! Started a workout routine with my mom, and that was fun. I also had to do a 4:00am hike to do some sunrise filming for work, which was both beautiful and exhausting haha.

My E got raised to 0.4ml injections so I am hoping that speeds some changes along a little more. I do find myself catching myself in the mirror and just being so pleased with the direction things are going, so that's been nice!

Those are great nails!

Gotcha gotcha. Did you have an easy time getting a prescription for it? I have heard some health workers are hesitant to prescribe it because of the lack of clinical studies regarding it

This is true. I remember one product called Femboy Tummy Pills that was just poison. I just had my HRT checkup, and I forgot to ask about prog so I am impatient lol. Might be best just to wait, thanks!

What's your story, cowboycrustation?

My dark and brooding backstory? Idk how deep to go into it, but I can give the cliff notes of what lead up to my transition. (It ended up longer than I expected, apologies)

All my life, I've had a deep admiration for women. I didn't actually have a sexual awakening until I was like 22, so very late compared to most of my friends. I just felt this extreme envy of the opposite sex, and I was like "this must be what other people mean by attraction" lol. I spent most of my years feeling like I didn't fit into my box. When my dude friends talked about girls, I just could not relate at all. I couldn't get into the macho, masculine role it seemed like I was supposed to fill. I did musical theater in high school, and was exposed to the wider gamut of gender expression and sexuality through it, since in my experience theater communities tend to be pretty diverse in that way. I saw friends transition, but I didn't think it was something that was actually possible for me.

When I became an adult, moved out and was living with friends, that's when something inside me clicked, the hormones turned on, and I was overwhelmed by a new side to life I hadn't previously been experiencing. I got on dating apps, went on many dates, had one or two short term girlfriends, but I found that my heart just was not in it. I liked girls, and still do, but again I felt like something about this dynamic I was inserting myself into wasn't fitting.

During this period, I also spent a lot of time on grindr talking to various dudes and meeting up, having encounters, etc. Grindr is a wretched place but it felt like a very low-stakes environment to experiment with all these new feelings I was having. After a while, I found that I still couldn't shake the feeling that people were expecting things of me I just couldn't gel with. Like "if only I could have gay sex, but like, as a woman, you know?"

I found that I was so much happier with myself when I got rid of all my body hair. For some stupid reason though, I thought my friends would judge me if they saw me like that, so when we made water related plans I would get anxious and let it grow out until that event was over. I felt like I had to balance the times when I could be myself with the times I needed to fill the expectations of people in my life.

All of this time, I was DEEPLY unhappy. I had been unbelievably anxious and struggling with major depression for most of my life, and so around a few years ago I started to seek help and try to improve myself. I got therapy, learned I was experiencing OCD, got medicated, and suddenly didn't feel insane all the time. I made new friends, filled my life with social events, and felt less alone. I tried new substances, accidentally had an extreme mushroom trip, and felt a strange, detached clarity I didn't imagine was possible.

All in all, I started to live happier, and no longer caught up in these wells of depression from which I could not escape. Finally I was unburdened by baggage that had been weighing me down for so long, and with my newfound clarity of thought, I could start looking at my life and piecing things together. I'd had the DIY HRT resources open on my computer for a whole year, but now I had the mental fortitude and courage to do something about it, combined with a support structure I felt confident in. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and I never looked back.

Finally I feel like I "fit." I can be myself all year, and not have to worry about if I'm not performing masculinity enough for the people around me. I just feel myself, and I feel free. I have never been happier.

Sorry you've had to go without binding for a bit dude, that's no fun at all. Dysphoria blows, but it's really cool that you'll at least get to buy a bass soon and start learning! Playing guitar always makes me happy, hoping it will do the same for you

Thanks cowboycrustation. Yeah despite living in a mostly conservative pocket of Washington, that was the worst experience I have had so far, so I do at least consider myself lucky. I expect there will be more stuff like that in the future as I am more openly trans, but I think I can tolerate that in the pursuit of being true to myself.

If he was a member of staff at the bar, I absolutely would complain, but he was just a temporary guest who works for a different company, and I don't think he'll return. Everybody who works there has always been nice to me