FlakesBongler

Didn't hear any loud NYEAH-ing though

I hate that I immediately read that with complete comprehension

Gotta make sure the U.S. is too fucked up to utilize the doomsday option first

That's why I've been sneaking onto missile bases and putting Flex Seal over all the silos

Yep, this is basically the live-service version

Red Scare Infinite

Personally, I would like to see some of that energy being used for more productive anti-racist actions

But then again, this a website for little goofy people sometimes and that means that people will be little and goofy sometimes

He was, he mellowed out a lot as he got older

Ugh, dolls

Fuck that noise

I don't like using wardrobe, they're always full of british kids and their lion who is also Jesus

Maybe

The fingers were really long though

Though, that might just be my memory being wonky

All I know is that I don't fuck with armoires

So, the one truly terrifying thing to ever happen to me happened when I was 4

I was home with my brother and I wanted to ask my dad for something, so I asked my brother where our dad was. My brother told me that he was up in our attic, so I wandered up there looking for him

Of course, this was a trap, and as soon as I got up there, my brother slammed the door shut and locked it, leaving me alone in the attic.

The attic itself wasn't creepy, it had several windows and was very well lit, plus there was a box of toys up there, which I started to play with

Everything was fine for a while, until I noticed that there was an old armoire in a back corner. It had been up there as long as I could remember, but it didn't belong to us, it came with the house. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of it, I just had a feeling that I shouldn't stop looking at it

After a few minutes of staring at it, it started to creak. Painfully slow, and dreadfully loud it began to open. When I saw the thin gray fingers emerge from around the door, I lost it

I sprinted for the door, screaming as loud as I could, hoping that the door would have be unlocked

It wasn't

I kept screaming for someone, anyone to unlock the door, beating on it as hard as I could

I was making so much noise, I couldn't hear anything else, I couldn't think about anything else, I had to get out before whatever was in that armoire made it to the stairs and got me

After what felt like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than maybe 30 seconds, the door swung open and my dad was there to pick me up and hold me

I was inconsolable for hours, aside from immediately telling my dad that my brother locked me in the attic, I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone what I saw up there. I had seen plenty of movies where someone wasn't taken seriously and then people got hurt trying to prove to them that there wasn't a monster.

Never went up to the attic again, nobody blamed me for it either, except for my brother, who kept making fun of me about it. Nobody else ever mentioned seeing or hearing anything weird up there.

We moved out of that house a year later. Before I left to get in the car to drive to our new house (which thankfully didn't have an attic), I made a little note for the next people to move in.

With a bright red crayon I wrote

Monster up there ⬆️

And left it taped to the attic door

I really hope whoever moved in took it seriously

Name checks out

Terminal case of burger brains

Jokes on you

I never gave up my Hotmail account, I use it to get double coupons on pizza