this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
53 points (90.8% liked)

Best Updates

1595 readers
1 users here now

A place to share the best posts which have updates, shown together with original posts in a consolidated format. This is a place for reddit refugees who liked r/BestOfRedditorUpdates

Note: Lemmy supports a max post body length of 10k characters

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

Reminder : I am not the OP

Original by u/throwawaymyl1fepls

Really, really shit situation.

2 months ago, my GF was raped. It was done in a park. She didn't want to report it and went into a full breakdown, wouldn't speak to police, go to hospital etc. I couldn't force her, so I just stayed with her.

She was, obviously, in a really shit state since, and I've been with her, by her side, listening to her, helping her. We went to therapy, and she knows I'm there for her. She has a history of depression, and I've been really worried.

Last week, we found out she was pregnant. I was abroad for 2 months before the rape on work, and can back early to care for her. So the baby definitely isn't mine. She is 100% sure it's the rapist's.

So we had a discussion. She is a devout Catholic. We initially decided on a abortion, but after she speak to her Mother, she has decided to keep the baby, saying that isn't the baby's fault.

I flat out told her that I would not help raise a baby of a guy who raped her. She cried and begged me not to leave. I told she is the one making the choice - either she keeps the baby and I leave, or she aborts the baby and I stay. I would not let this go.

She didn't want either of those things to happen, so I told her we were done...

I feel shit. Was i wrong?

Update 1

I'll post the update first, since there has been some change since I last posted. Then I'll respond to some general points made from the last thread, and the ton of PMs I received.

Yesterday, I received a call from my GF. She was crying, and she begged me to listen to her. I told her that I still care for her, and that I'll obviously listen to what she has to say.

She told me that a few days after I told her we were done, she called up her Mother to talk about this. Apparently, what happened before was that she was pretty much decided on aborting, but then when she spoke to her Mother, her mother told her that under no accounts should she abort, and that I was actually manipulating her to do so. Her Mother went on to say that if she aborted the child, she would no longer consider my gf as her daughter.

After I left her, my gf called her Mum up to talk about what went on. My GF said that she desperately wanted to abort the baby, and her Mother again said that if she does so, this is the last time they will ever speak again. My GF said she broke down on the phone, and her Mother kept asking her what she will do. The conversation then ended when my GF said she didn't know.

Then she started texting. After a few hours of thinking, my GF sent her mum a text saying she was going to abort. She was then blocked.

My GF then called me, and told me everything.

She will be having an abortion in 3 weeks.

I discussed this with my GF, and we both completely agreed that I had not manipulated her in any way, and that she appreciated that I put my foot down, because had I not, she would have had a baby who would remind her of the worst time of her life. (Her words, not mine)

She further went on to say that I am the best thing that has ever happened to her, and that she knew that even if she no longer had a Mum, if she had me, she could get through this. I broke down at this point.

I love her so much. In truth, I probably would have gone back to her and raised the baby with her, even though I knew I'd resent it. I made the original thread to get some backing rather than anything, to see if I had made the right decision.

I'm so relieved things had turned out the way they have.

Also, screw any Mother who places religion over their own child. Friggin lunatics.

Now to respond to some of your points from the last thread:

1: No. My GF did not cheat on me. I am almost certain about this. Not only because she had the conscience of a fragile angel, but also because we both know each others' schedules really well, and we often talk to friends who can corroborate timings. Moreover, her roommate took photos of my GF after she came home assaulted. It's not "rough sex" as some of you dicks put it.

2: I don't give a rat's arse if you think abortion is a sin or the killing of a baby. Come and raise the baby or give us money to raise the baby or hire us a live in maid to tend to my GFs every need while she pregnant if you're so sanctimonious. Talk the talk, then walk the walk you wanking tit-baboons.

3: My GF was absolutely clear she wanted to raise the baby (probably influenced by the Mum).

4: Thanks for all the people telling me I did the right thing. It was really difficult. I'm very glad it turned out the way it has though.

5: To the people who PM'd me telling me I'm a monstrous baby killer - I fail to see what my hobbies have to do with this issue.

Thanks Reddit.

Update 2

I was hoping to post here again after the abortion (still scheduled for two weeks time), but I thought I should provide an update on some recent events from a Mother from the pits of Satan's rectum.

On Saturday, I answered my door and stood face to face with two police officers. They asked me if I was who I was, and I replied I was. They then said they were looking for my GF. I called her over, and the police officer said that he needs to have a word with her.

The officers then split, one taking the GF to the living room (we let them in) and the other took me into my bedroom.

The officer who took me started asking me questions about how long GF had been here. If she had any contact with anyone else. If she had left the house at all...and a few other questions. I answered, and then asked what this was about, but the officer just said they received a report to check in on GF. I asked who reported, and the officer said he couldn't say.

After a while, the other officer was done, and they both left. The moment they left, my GF told me that she was outrightly asked if she was in danger, and if I had been hurting her. She was also asked if she was being held against her will. She said no to everything, of course. She said that the police received a call from her Mother saying she might be in danger, and that I could be abusive her.

I was fucking livid. I immediately said I was going to press charges against her - for what? I dunno. Harrassment probably?

My GF begged me to not, and said that it would all just blow over, and that she just needs time to "calm down".

Wtf? She sent police to my house to get me arrested. How is that sane thinking? I could lose my job if I was arrested and charged. What the hell is she thinking?

I told GF that if the Mother does anything like this again, I will definitely press charges. So the GF decides on Sunday to talk to the Mum to not do anything like this again.

They had a conversation for about 2 minutes, then I start hearing sobs. Immediately, I walked into the room, saw my GF was crying, still holding the phone against her ear.

I plucked he phone from her hand, and held her for a bit as I heard "hello?" From the phone. Then I put it on me, and said "you're a disgrace of a Mother" and hung up.

Then I held the GF for what felt like an hour before we started talking.

Apparently, the Mother was telling GF how if she continues with the abortion, she will never see the Mother again, or her brother, or her deceased Father (who is in heaven, even though he died a drink violent alcoholic who beat GF, but hey, repent your sins at death, amiright?) because GF would be going to damnation.

I told GF that if she was going to hell, then she should save me a seat, and we'd be nice and toasty together. I love her smile.

What do you think, if anything, should I do about the Mother? No doubt my words to her will have some reactions.

Response to some people from previous threads and PMs after thread was locked:

1 - Abortion was never an option. GF was adamant she wanted to raise the baby, influenced by her Mother. And if you suggest adoption anyway, then you truly do not understand just how taxing a normal pregnancy is, let alone one dipped in a beautiful cocktail of rape depression.

2 - You can believe my GF cheated on me if that makes you feel better about your lives, I suppose. Just FYI, the pictures and roommates report showed she had a bloodied nose, black eyes, cuts and bruises against her arms, hands and knees, torn coat and top, bruises around her neck. Cheating...right........

Edit: 3 - My GF and I are still going to therapy about all of this.

Update 3

I just wanted to update folk on this whole saga. This will be my final update.

A few days ago, the abortion was carried out. During the weeks beforehand, my GF went to a counsellor and talked to a nurse about why she wanted an abortion. She was also tested for any STIs (she's clear!).

She went ahead with the abortion after getting the all clear. A few days ago it was successfully carried out.

They went for the surgical abortion method, which involved using a vacuum to suck the pregnancy out. GF said it was pretty painless, and she was able to return home after just a few hours.

When she came home, she cried and cried and cried. She says she feels like a huge weight had been lifted, and she can finally look to moving on with her life.

We took the whole week of work, and yesterday we went camping (it rained). While in the tent, she talked about how difficult life was sometimes, but she was really glad things turned out the way they did, because even though things were bad, she came out the other side, probably stronger than before.

She's amazing, man. Seriously.

Update on the Mum! So my GF received a call from her Mum, who was asking if she went through with the abortion.

My GF and I have an agreement that if Mum calls, either hang up or give it to me. In this instance, she answered, didn't know what to say, and gave it to me.

I told the Mum that the abortion went perfectly, and smiled as she cursed at me for about a minute. I then said "How Jesus of you" at which point she hung up.

My GF didn't find it funny...

Anyway, that's it.

Good luck to everyone in their lives.

Also, if you're going to message and insult me via PM, just be warned: I've killed a baby before.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

top 5 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Lmfao at the last sentence.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Religion is the second villian here

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

her mother is an absolute psychopath, i'm glad that her boyfriend stuck with her during a very difficult time.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I feel so terrible for the GF. Not only was she a victim of rape, she had to make a choice that would either cause her to lose her family or her boyfriend. Though I don't think OP was wrong in any of his actions, it's still such a terrible situation for her.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Good for him for putting his foot down and not bending to the mothers will...