this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2023
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ADHD

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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system...which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,

It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.

Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

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[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

For me (neurotypical as far as I know), habits are a mix of 3 things:

  • Conditioning from when I was a kid (quite literally Pavlovian Conditioning) which I will do without thinking. For example I will clean my shoes on the doormat both on the way in and the way out, the latter not really making logical sense: I've just been conditioned by my mother when I was a kid with constant "Clean your shoes!" and the behaviour just got associated with the trigger of going over the doormat, hence I unthinkingly do it also on the way out
  • Familiar and always (so far) no problem choices. For example having lunch in pretty much always the same handful of places, buying the same brand of certain things. As an introvert I am not comfortable with new places with new people plus there is a cognitive cost (and risk) with trying new things, hence the familiar feels comfortable and the unfamiliar discomforting. The habit is driven by favoring the easy/comforting over the discomforting. This is not the same as being unable to change: I'm actually a serial immigrant and can very quickly adjust to living in a completelly new place and a different country (nowadays it takes me only a few days) - it's just that there is a huge barrier to actually get myself to the point of starting such a change.
  • Stuff I have to force myself to do because it's important to do it for social or health reasons. Shave, proper cooking (rather than quick improvisation involving no significant meal preparation or ready-made meals), even brushing my teeth.

All those things qualify as habits (in the sense of being done regularly) but the drives for each class of thing are very different.

PS: I get the impression that what some think of as habits in a neurotypical sense is mainly the first class of things. As far as I know nobody has only conditioned habits, plus you can't really condition complex things (at best you can have a "get up and go do it" conditioning).

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My worst habit is ignoring all the reminders on my phone... which I set in hope of building habits...๐Ÿ™

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[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

There are things that I get to become automatic but they're very small

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[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm like this too, as a neurodivergent without ADHD. Everything I do, I do deliberately and thoughtfully, with intense focus. Even driving, I can't go into autopilot mode. It's probably why I need a nap most days...

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[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (5 children)

As someone who thinks he has ADHD and not Bipolar is now confused after reading this. I feel like I have habits but Iโ€™m like half way in half way out on this. Feel like Iโ€™m straddling the fence.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I'm fairly certain I'm ND, but never fully knew if it was Autism (Aspergers?) or ADHD. Mom never followed up on the testing when I was a kid (and neither did I as an adult), but autism runs high in my family, and I have low and high functioning extended family.

Yeah, definitely not ADHD. I have issues, stims, triggers, but I'm functional, and can definitely form habits, and don't necessarily experience the issues noted here.

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I have alarms. I feel this in my core though. I have very strict routines that I follow, but they sure as fuck aren't habbit's I have to watch the clock and get extremely anxious around the time I know I need to do things, all.the.things.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Lol at expecting me to read those when youโ€™ve somehow managed to screenshot them at an angle.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

So as a NT that is only recently thinking about how ND I might be, what's striking about this to me is that no only do I not have or form any "automatic" habits, but I think my lack of such or my lack of ability to form them has formed a deep aspect of my personality.

Like, I don't want to do anything "automatically", and any kind of environment or culture or expectation that relies on "just doing things automatically" is something I not only dismiss as unappealing and even "bad" but something I even get suspicious about and about the kinds of people that get into that. Like, however productive and helpful it is, I honestly think I've developed an unconscious distrust of people that simply "do things automatically" on the grounds that they're not plugged in enough to values and purposes and the "why this should be done".

Of course, maybe I've got a point there. Though maybe virtue doesn't play a role when it comes to the dishes. My point though is that I'm pretty sure I've incorporated this as a given and allowed it to inform my worldview, so I guess that's fun.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Wait, what. You are blowing my mind right now.

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