this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2023
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)

She broke up with me abruptly because I just wasn’t a boyfriend like Edward was to Bella and then 6months later she asks me out again and then 6 months from then she breaks up with me because I told her β€œI love you” and according to her, that meant β€œI want to have sex with you very soon” so she broke up with me again.

High school, man.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Raging hormones and unrealistic, unspoken, expectations can do wild things

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can't believe this is real

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

To be fair this was when we were like 15

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The things some people think are relevant or important in relationships are weird.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I watch 90 Day Fiance to revel in this fact πŸ˜„People are absolutely wild.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

You sound like a good boyfriend

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Got addicted to Farmville. Should have known right then that it wasn't going to work.

[–] cufta22 5 points 1 year ago

Ahahahaha biggest 🚩

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I saw a Farmville themed slot machine recently. Like a time warp to 2007

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I used to work at a casino and we had the weirdest games. Half of them looked like they were pulled from weird fetish sites, like we had sexy Medusa and lots of anamorphized animals in risque outfits.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

She was learning to play the guitar but wasn't very good at it. I also started learnig so we could play together. I was starting to get decent, learned a song and decided to play it to her.

Halfway through the song she freaked out and shouted that if I ever play in front of her again she'll break up with me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How old were y'all when this happened?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

We were very young, she was 16 and I was 18.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'd be amazed and so happy if my hubby did my hobbies better than me

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Pray for forgiveness every time we had sex

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

So did you forgive her, or what?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yep it's about as fun as it sounds

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I could see that getting kinky if played right, tho I imagine anyone that seriously prays for forgiveness after sex is probably not into getting kinky.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah this person was absolutely not kinky

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I had an ex that wanted to take a break for a bit because they wanted to "give me up" for Lent. They said I was the most important thing to them at the time, so it was kind of sweet and romantic...but definitely strange as well.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Should have told them Jesus was more important therefore they should give up lent for 40 days.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

omfg lmaooooo 🀣🀣🀣 nice paradox

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like she wanted to taste test some other options?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I can see why you would think that, but that wasn't the case. It was genuinely about giving up something meaningful for Lent, strange as it was.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Damn that's kinda thoughtful it a weird way

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (4 children)

We were getting ready to have sex. I saw that one of our blanket had a brown stain on it, and she said she had wiped her hands on it after eating chocolate. We had sex. Months later, she admitted that she actually wiped her ass with the blanket to make sure she didn't have shit on her asshole. She was nasty af, but we ended up breaking up for another reason. She was a deranged narcissist. I'm not saying this as a layperson that watched YouTube videos to get over the relationship. I actually went to a therapist that is a nationally renowned specialist on narcissistic relationships.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

ahhhh nooooo

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Oof. Good thing she's an ex. That's nasty

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She was a deranged narcissist pretty much sums it all up, but I can elaborate if you're interested.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Yes pls. I'm very interested.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Don’t we all wipe our ass with our blankets?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Forgot we were dating when she was the one who started the relationship.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What's the story behind that? Did she claim she just "forgot" and cheated? Were you "on a break"?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nope. She actually straight up forgot.

I introduced her to this place I would usually go to hang out in the community, and she'd tell everyone who asked if we were dating that we weren't. I didn't say anything because, being young and dumb, I just kinda assumed she was being shy and didn't want to share with anybody.

Come a few days later, we were hanging out at the park close to her place, and while we were talking on the swings, she casually starts bringing up to me how she met this guy at a event her friend invited her to, and how he asked her out. I was confused, said I thought we were dating, and then after thinking over for a moment in confusion, you could see the moment of realization when she basically said "oh yeah, we were, whoops".

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

that is not a 'whoops' moment, i hope you broke up with her after that, or you werent even dating (da dum tsss) i hope you are alright and you found someone :)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

How does one forget that they're dating someone? Did you guys not talk for weeks or something?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

She followed me into the men's washroom and made out with me after I just puked then sucked my dick. We dated for 2 years after that.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

That sounds so hot. The blend of flavors must have been amazing from her perspective. I'm imagining the several colliding musks

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

She's a keeper!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

She was very much into "crafts" but the weird kind. I'm not talking knitting, I'm saying she had a baby dolls head hanging from the ceiling for "art" reasons. She went to a west Canadian beach (i.e. Lots of rocks), came back with a bunch of dead crabs and wanted to create a little crab model out of their corpses

Not the weirdest thing ever, but it was definitely odd to bring dead animals halfway across the continent with the intent to do amateur taxidermy

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Called me a "trashy hood rat" for having a memorial tattoo for a friend/FWB that was murdered years before I met them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Everyone knows hood rats have homemade jesus-ey tattoos. Do you have any of those?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Goes to bed in socks. I've come around to it and understand it's a preference but my lord when they first told me it was the wildest thing

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I see the making of a Seinfeld episode

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Cheated on me with the guy who cheated on her, then sent me a marriage invitation for her and the dude who cheated on her in the first place. It's worth pointing out the only reason she ended up with me in the first place was because of his cheating; so it's kinda clear to me I was only ever an easy-to-play rebound to her.

They were made for each other.