this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
679 points (98.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26305 readers
12 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 159 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"What's with all the bags of ice?"

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago (1 children)

so you say you always bring an empty cooler with you on a first date. that's interesting

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Takes off all clothes to get ready for some love making .... "What? You want me to wash my body first? .... OK?" ....everything goes black

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

"Why does everything smell like iodine and pine needles..... /slump

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Last thought before passing out, "awe, I'm going to miss out on all the sex."

[–] [email protected] 96 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Drop the bullshit and tell me your exact blood type

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Dr. Jan Itor

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 year ago

Partner for “life”.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Of all the things in that picture, what bothers me still is why only London written in cyrillic?

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago

It’s the way Tinder renders. ‘Lives in’ shows up in the language/alphabet of the app of the creator of the profile, while all other headers are processed in the language of the viewer of the profile.

It actually serves as a decent trick for learning the language settings on the app of a person who’s profile you’re viewing.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

You know what, same.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Watch out, or she'll fix you

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The benefits of having a gf surgin

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

If she's surgin' for cash, she may bring in a surgeon to grab your kidneys

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She didn't ask for him to have a job

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Or be over 6'. You have a point.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Organ dealers don’t see height 🥺😍

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

they dont care about appearance, what they do care about is whats inside!

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago

Respond to the posting with you mentioning that you live alone and have O- negative blood type cause fuck it you only live once.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There were urban legends back in the 80s and 90s about tourists in beach resort cities hooking up with attractive women in bars and discos, going back to their apartments or hotel rooms to keep drinking, passing out, then waking up next day... without the corneas of their eyes! Completely blind!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The one I used to hear was waking up in a tub of ice without one or both kidneys

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A friend of mine many many years ago met a girl on a dating site and mentioned it to his mom. She announced that it was a kidney harvesting scam and would not let him go on the date unless he agreed to check in with her afterwards. During the date she texted him multiple times to watch his drink and make sure he doesn't get his kidneys harvested. When he didn't respond fast enough she called me and made me promise I would go and rescue him if it happened. After the date she wouldn't accept text messages that everything was fine. He had to call her and make sure that she could hear his voice. She also called me again and asked me to drop by his apartment to make sure he was there.

She really was a nice woman, just a bit touched.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"What kind of decent, good-looking woman would want to go out with my son"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Haha I promise you it wasn't like that. It was the whole dating someone via the Internet that set off her.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

goes on date

Man- "lets play a game, i tell you what i like about you and you tell me what you like about me.

Olga- "how valuable your are to me" (whispers under her breath) "economalicly"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Eh more of a operation guy tbh

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Economalicaly, haha pure gold

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Alright guys, you get one more try.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds more like a "till death do us part" rather than a long time partner to me :/

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

"lifetime" partner :-)

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

must reside within 5 hectares of the М̷̩̦̩͕̆̈́̇̊о̶̡͉̱̺͉̦̐̍̍͗̋р̶͇͍̈̆͋о̷̨̝̺̪̥̱̹̫̦̝̝̥͚̺͐̓͋̾͒̋̏͐̈́͌̊̎͜͝з̶̧̡̹̜̪̟̭̤͚̤͎̳̓̉͋͘ͅо̷̨̦̋в̸̙̙̑ͅо̵͓̹̲͕͈̫͇̤̾̄̐͊͑̅͗̌͌̅͘ city-centre

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

"What's with the fava beans and that nice bottle of chianti?"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Must enjoy ice cold baths!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Well one more reason to do drugs

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Way too suspiciously specific

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey, that's me! I have both lungs/kidneys, even heart rhythm, don't smoke, drink, etc. Where's...NOHAOH?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Definitely in Bulgaria /s

https://youtu.be/j29i9lL-DA8?si=A5w6qH0rsW40Ppj9

(Yes I know, it's London)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Handcuffs first date, I'm out

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It says London. Odd it's in Cyrillic script.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

She's uni-boob! From Russian London

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

high value bearer bond life insurance also a plus.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

If you leave out the hardworking those standards are actually quite low

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago