this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2023
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The Onion

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SAN FRANCISCO — Claiming he had accidentally swapped his schedule for the day, Twitter CEO and Neuralink founder Elon Musk shocked fans and shareholders by killing a female employee and impregnating a monke

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago

Not believable in that he admits to a mistake. My man Lonnie prefers to double down.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

I had to check and see if it was an onion article.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Damn Onion, leave some weights for the rest of us, king.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Elon Musk's children discussing the inheritance, though emerald mines were changed to gold mines for libel reasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_58H5vk29VM

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Hate when that happens

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I believed it for a split second and it was glorious.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

On the bright side, the monkey can’t tell anybody and most of my employees are scheduled to die anyway.

Absolutely brutal

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

At press time, sources reported that another unfortunate schedule mixup had caused Musk to lay off several SpaceX rockets and jettison thousands of Twitter employees into space.