this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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When I’m unhappy, I feel like I’m doing life wrong. I’d rather be happy. But is happiness the point of life, or is there more to it? If I pursue happiness, mine first then for those around me, is that selfish? But if there’s a bigger purpose, then what about people with Alzheimer’s or dementia who can’t recall recent experiences or make plans?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's a pretty high bar. In fact exaggerated focus on "am I happy" can sort of fuck you up. Focusing on what you appreciate is supposed to be better and make you happier. The cliché is "the meaning of life is to give life meaning" which is disgustingly Hallmark, but still has a fair point. Just do whatever - a good idea is to not get too existential if you can avoid it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Toxic positivity is a real thing.

Part of the inspiration for this post was: I am a grown up and I can do whatever I want with the next hour. What will I do? What does that say about me? What should I do with my life? What kind of person does that make me? Am I shallow for just wanting to experience as many new things as possible? I don't think so, I think that's just my genetics expression themselves. But that raises questions about free will, and I'm not willing to ponder that this morning. I'd rather spend the next hour doing something fun.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If you're not already, go do something fun!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I’m going out to lunch with friends. Tomorrow, I’ll go springboard diving. Not because it matters, just because I enjoy it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

As a hedonist my answer is yes. Life doesn't have an actual point. It wasn't "made" on purpose but because it got the chance. What you make of it is your decision but since we have a brain that rewards us and a nociception that punishes us depending on how we use our life I suggest you choose your own purpose. Mine is to be happy. Even when I'm altruistic I'm secretly egoistic because I feel better when my environment feels good too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe flip it around? The point of unhappiness (or dissatisfaction) is to get the organism to change up what it's doing; to locate new goals and pursue them. That can mean engaging with others in different ways than you did before.

If you're satisfied, you mostly stick with what you're doing already. (Which might include seeking novelty as well.) If you're unsatisfied, you may be ready to ditch your current situation for a new one as soon as one comes up.


Dementia in elders is really freakin' sad. But there's a lot of difference in people's experience of it. I happen to know two people in their 70s suffering dementia, who have very different levels of unhappiness. (They also live in rather different situations, although both are in relatively rural settings. Both live with a spouse and with supportive neighbors.)

One is largely satisfied and comfortable; the other is often pissed off and frustrated. This seems to have a lot to do with what their attitudes and social interactions were like before the dementia set in.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you for your comments about dementia. It scares me, but I was wondering if happiness is worthwhile, even if the person that I spark happiness in won’t ever remember it. I think of both elderly people and small children, because my kids no longer remember some of our early vacations, which are some of my happiest memories. And I conclude that making people happy is valuable in itself and never wasted, even if they will forget. Maybe because that’s how I conceive of my own personality or being: I make people feel good and that makes me who I am. But maybe that says more about me or my society than about life in general.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Happiness is fleeting. You should seek contentment over happiness.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not all life can have meaning or greater purpose, that happens in fiction mostly anyway.

Find things that make you comfortable, content and feel safe, and fill your life with them. It's ok to just be.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But isn’t our life really just the story we tell ourselves about ourselves? I guess I’m trying to create a narrative arc, and your comment says to me: enjoy the exposition and character development; it’s enough.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah but just like lives, not all stories are good. When you can't change fundamental building blocks of your own story to create a pleasing narrative for yourself, all you can really do is exist in what there is. Most people exist like this.

Fighting your objective reality for an unobtainable greater meaning, will cause mental illness if you keep doing it. Come to terms with the real you as opposed to the ideal you, and make what you have for your life as nice for yourself as you can, while you can.

Save your desires for manifest destiny for your OC's and write some stories about them or illustrate them or something.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

The only purpose to life is to live it. Beyond that, you have to find the meaning that suits you for yourself.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

no the purpose of life is to exist

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Consider reading "Existentialism is a Humanism"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No. Happiness is nice, when you have it, but you have to create meaning in life.

And purpose? You can have a purpose but Life in general does not.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Okay, this is an interesting idea. I said purpose, but you said meaning. Aren’t those the same? Imagine I’m pursuing something pointless, like hedonistic pleasure. Why isn’t that meaningful? How can I determine if my actions are meaningful?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Determine is an ambiguous word, here, so I'm going to break it into two parts:

  • You might discover that your actions are meaningful to others. Hedonic pleasure probably won't be, but everyone is into something.

  • You decide if something is meaningful to yourself.

Something doesn't have to have a purpose to b meaningful; and something doesn't have to be meaningful to have a purpose, or at least, not meaningful outside of that purpose. I can appreciate the buffing leaves on a tree in spring without needing those specific leaves o that tree for anything. I have several wooden spoons that serve me well in the kitchen but if they disappeared tomorrow I wouldn't notice or care.

To be clear: Meaning is internal, but purpose is some sort of external function, utility, or goal.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The purpose of life is to not die.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Technically the truth.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago
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