Warp core engineers: we need redundancies and safeguards here, here, and here
Bridge console engineers: don’t forget the high-voltage rail and the concussive feedback blasters
Chair engineers: fuck seatbelts wooooo
this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2023
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Come on'n get your jamaharon on! There are no real rules—just don't break the weather control network.
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Also: this console doesn't have enough rocks inside of it. And you call that a ceiling? I don't see a single loose girder in there!
Ah yes, the flamethrowers, a key component of good console design!
"Commander, I did a level 5 scan of the bridge turbolift controls, and I noticed there's a couple of unnecessary and dangerous flamethrowers in there. So I thought..."
"Stop asking stupid questions. This is why you're still an Ensign, Harry."
Safety studies showed that seatbelts lead to a lot of injuries to helms staff being struck by the rocks they fill the LCARs control boards with.
If the inertial dampers fail, wouldn’t the seat belt just cut you in half anyway?
If they were going fast enough for that to happen they would be launched toward the front of the ship anyway, and we don't see that happening.
It’s obvious that the inertial dampers never fail 100%
Bridge console engineers: .... oh wow look at this guys ... liquid napalm is a great electrical conductor ... we should use this amazing liquid to power these consoles
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The warp core was originally a space babble replacement for a boiler on a steam ship, since it was based on WW2 navy ships. On old steam ships literally almost everything ran directly on auxiliary steam. As a result of probably not revisiting this since the 60s: everything in trek runs directly on warp core plasma.
You mean WW 0? Even in WW1 ICE powered ships are commonplace.
WWNAM. I joke.
Circuit breakers don't work for plasma conduits.
And it is crucial because of the [insert technobabble] that the consoles are powered by plasma.
Better contrast in a well lit environment
Circuit breakers don't work for plasma conduits.
Why not? Plasma moves like a fluid, and we are perfectly capable of shutting off or limiting the flow of a fluid in an emergency.
They wouldn't employ a technology across an entire fleet of starships, and practically every corner of civilisation on and off world, if they weren't able to manage it to am extremely high degree of safety.
Just look inside the armoured citadel on a battleship for examples of how every single thing no matter how small are designed to ensure the crew remain unharmed and the vessel functional.
Anyway, the real problem is that we fill our consoles with rocks.
The real problem is they don't reinforce those damn plasma conduits enough. Your running plasma for your fucking power grid. Don't put it right behind a stupid panel or console. The terminal does not need that much electricity!
The Federation's original technical manual was written by Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. [Low grunting ensues]
It would destroy all their terrible plots though.
Picard: "Shut down the holodeck!"
Data: "Holodeck controls are not responding"
Picard: "Pull the holodeck MCB!"
Data: "Holodeck systems shut down"
Credits.
Also I love how there were instances where power was of the essense, but the holodecks were explained to have their own, independent power supplies so it wasnt relevant to shut down.
I mean, given what a holodeck does, basically a sustained, massive, active energy to matter transport, one would think it would be useful to design the ship to tap into it in important instances. Holodecks are great, but when life support is failing and phasers are down to 13%, not super relevant.
Like wouldn't voyager prefer to use that energy to make food from their replicators?
Ooh! I have headcanon for this: An uncontrolled holodeck shutdown turns the holomatter into effectively high speed razor wire.
Which means in my headcanon, some holodeck engineer once met a very grim ending - so that Moriarty could later amount to any more than a simple reboot.
Discovery had actual god damn flamethrowers in the bridge walls. Missing circuit breakers are nothing compared to that horror.
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And seatbelts. When they get shot, the whole bridge (but not the whole ship? or there'd be dozens of casualties every time) goes flying. But not when the ship spins around in a tactical maneuver. Do the stabilizers just go out with every hit?
I'd guess the ag field can adjust for maneuvers, but not unexpected jolts from battle? And yeah why do we never hear about the shattered tanks in hydroponics, people falling into the warp core, and doctors getting stabbed by their own scalpels every time a laser hits the ship?
It's not unreasonable to think that the inertial dampeners can perfectly compensate for any planned movement, but when you've got the equivalent of a hundred nukes going off a few tens of metres away when a torpedo hits, it might take a couple of nanoseconds to react, and that kind of force for a couple of nanoseconds would jostle things about a bit.
And yeah why do we never hear about the shattered tanks in hydroponics, people falling into the warp core, and doctors getting stabbed by their own scalpels every time a laser hits the ship?
Generally this is glossed over. First off, red alert procedures mean preparing for battle conditions, so it probably means halting non-essential operations that would be high risk during a battle, as well as increased precautions by essential personnel.
Second, we get immediate damage and casualty reports, which includes a fly by mention of damage and injured crew. That probably covers most of what you are thinking of. It's all repaired by the next episode anyway.
But then there wouldn’t be any room for rocks
No engineer would build a system like that purposely, so they must be required to have high-energy plasma in them in order to work.
My headcanon is that the high energy plasma in the consoles sends signals FTL, using something like subspace but in the conduit. This is necessary because the ship is moving at superliminal speeds, and regular electronics won't work due to the subspace field.
That's really good headcanon!
Of course, the first person to wire a 5 volt button to their photon torpedo launcher in prep for a non-subspace battle will become a powerful warlord.
But that's still at least pretty logical for a vehicle whose primary purpose is interstellar exploration.
Exploding panels is actually how they stop overpopulation.
Those damn fertile red shirts. They never stop multiplying.
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Those magic black rocks they're filled with are very volatile.
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