this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2023
335 points (100.0% liked)

Jokes and Humor

6198 readers
16 users here now

A broad community for text and image based jokes, humor, and memes.


This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 23 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (3 children)

At Singapore Airport, there is a huge sign above the immigration gates announcing that drug possession carries the death penalty. Every time I pass through I start questioning how sure I am that I don’t have any drugs on me. (I don’t use drugs or live with anyone who does, and packed my bags myself and didn’t leave them out of my sight, which is about >99.99% certainty, though that >0.01% bears a heavy weight.)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Someone could've hidden some stash in your bag while you weren't looking, hoping to recover it post landing. So keep an eye on your luggage.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And even if not, how do you know you didn’t step on a tiny yet detectable grain of hashish on the way to the airport? Someone ended up in jail in Dubai for “smuggling” such a grain on the sole of their shoe.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'd like to hear their story!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

That may have been the 90s DJ Grooverider. I know he got jailed in Dubai for having some impracticably small quantity of drugs on him at the airport.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The times I've gone to Sibgapore that sign makes me mentally go through my luggage, and I'm immediately reminded that I'm smuggling an obscene amount of snus (for personal use). It's no death penalty, but it's a pretty hefty fine.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Makes me think of this movie

Brokedown Palace

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

The first several times I flew, which wound up being maybe forty total flights by the time I concluded my long-distance relationship in marriage, I would be "randomly selected" for secondary screenings, bag checks, and finger-tip swabs. Every single time. This eventually stopped happening, but the only thing that really changed was I lost a bunch of weight. I don't know what the connection was.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Wow, I guess I’m not the only one this has happened to. I’ve been inspected or forced to jump through some additional hoop 90% of the times I’ve gone through airport security. It has been going on for as long as I remember, and happens regardless of which country I’m in.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This always happens to my little brother. Sometimes it makes sense. One time he brought a book that was so big it was blocking the x ray or something. But other times it's completely random. This has happened pretty much every time we travel, I even have memories of it happening when he was like 7 years old. He's an adult now and it still happens.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I've made the book mistake a couple of times. When I immigrated to a new country, I had brought along several small carvings and ornaments that I liked to display on my shelves. Each was wrapped carefully in newspaper, but the TSA was not a big fan of that. Went through security at two different airports and had to stand there awkwardly while an agent unwrapped every last item and nodded in amusement over the peculiarness of each one.

Funny enough, I would bring bottles of assorted (mostly non-prescription) pills on each trip and they never batted so much as an eye at those. Could have easily been smuggling in MDMA for the better part of a decade.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe we exert some kind of stressed or nervous behavior that is considered by TSA to be a potential red flag? Other than the weight-loss, the only thing I can think of that changed is perhaps my overall experience traveling finally chilled me out a bit and altered the way I carried myself.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I’m not sure what it could be, since I never get double inspected the same way twice in a row. I’ve had devices swabbed for chemicals, pat-downs, being made to walk through the metal detector multiple times (3+), and even standing still while a bomb-sniffing dog walked in circles round me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

"Must not look suspicious, don't do anything suspicious, you're not suspicious."
Proceed to give the fakest and most strained smile in history to airport security and get pulled aside..... again.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I actually had this my mind thought “did I bring a firearm?” after I saw a sign saying it would be a criminal offense to bring one through security, when I don’t have any firearms at all in my possession.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

You mean, "What if I accidentally have a second gun?..."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Congratulations, we've put you on a list.

-- Your FBI Agent


On a serious note, I once saw a video from a security conference of some sort where the presenter explained he flies with firearms in the US because he can (and is actually required) to use real locks on his luggage.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I am one of the beautiful people. There's my name on the list...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Probably DeviantOllam. The man's a legend.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"What if I accidentally forgot to leave the stainless steel cutout with a ruler, can opener, screwdriver, saw, and a couple blade edges on it?"

...nah, I always carry it in my wallet, right next to the ~~firestarter~~ fresnel lens.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I carried one of those utility cards in my wallet for years, it almost always got through airport security, 5 or 6 times it was fine, once it got taken out, looked at, and put back in, then eventually they took it. RIP card.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If you manage to hijack an airplane using a credit card sized multitool, honestly you should be given that plane and a medal.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

If I'm really quiet I can just start unscrewing stuff, then everything becomes a weapon!