Maybe you could do port knocking to have the firewall open the port to that IP after you hit a series of ports in the proper sequence.
Selfhosted
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Like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!
That's my luggage combo too!
The best sequence.
Bootable thumb drive with a persistent OS installed and preconfigured?
Maybe https://tailscale.com/blog/ssh-console/ could help - they run a tailscale client in webassembly in the browser, plus a ssh client also in webasm, so you can get ssh to the tailnet without installing anything.
Because this works over DERP it probably even works on very locked down computers behind very strict firewalls, e.g. that only allow TCP 80/443 :)
Guacamole with the totp plugin or reverse ssh with a key. The reverse ssh will get around just about any security if setup properly but guacamole is like pleasant to use and doesn't depend on software.
I don’t make my network accessible from the internet. Anything i need remove access to i would put out on a cheap vps. If i had to do it on my home network i would use a siloed vlan with vpn access.