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Moderator Guidelines
Hey all, I am locking this post. Here is the bottom line. Blahaj is a trans safe instance. Regardless of your personal opinion on whether a term is gender neutral or not, the moment someone tells you that they are not OK with that term, that should be the end of the debate. This is a good rule not only in Blahaj but in real life. Continuing to argue with someone about what they should or should not accept in this matter is harmful.
Honestly in my social circle "Dude" has basically become gender neutral.
I'm a school bus driver. Kids call everybody of all genders "dude" and "bro". Also the n-word but that's a different matter.
"Bro" is gender neutral for me. Though I still try to avoid it with transfems I don't know very well (which is... all except one) since I can't know if they'd tell me if it makes then uncomfortable. Since even if you know how it's meant it can still feel bad.
One of the very few things where I'll change how I interact with a transfem vs a ciswoman
"Dude" and "Bro" being gender neutral really varies from social circle to social circle. I always air on the side of caution although I've even seen some cis females call each other dude and bro
I always air on the side of caution
Bro ... it's "err".
Engrish hard :(
Dude, man, bro, and "fellas" have all become gender neutral to me
Edit: come to think of it not only has "bro" become neutral, but "bro-sephanie" has become something I use for guys.
As a transfem, I definitely appreciate this.
I still think guy/dude is gender neutral. Call it the Good Burger principle:
“I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes… HEY!”
doesn't matter if it isn't to whoever you are referring to
Yeah I agree. At the end of the day I’m not going to disrespect someone by calling them something they don’t want to be called
Yeah I use all those in gender neutral ways. "Man" can start a sentence and not be directed at anyone.
My closest gender neutral family member likes dude, if you're in doubt just ask, they'll appreciate it
Yeah I mean, I’m not calling someone dude or guy intentionally if they don’t like it. That’s just being polite.
Soooo much appreciation for this 🩷 I think I'll forever mentally twitch when people use dude, man, mate, bro, etc. towards me. I totally know it's done in a gender neutral way, but I still feel a small pang in my heart.
Is it weird that I'm a Trans girl and I still use dude like so much?
And yet when other people use it for me, I feel like I have to ask how they meant it 😅
I always mean words like dude or guys as gender neutral, and luckily none of my friends have an issue with it, but I understand why some people wouldn't like that. Is there a good gender neutral replacement for the word?
folks, friend(s), y’all, sweetie, partner, sport, buddy, ~~pal~~, chum, sunshine, fam
I use 'my liege' and 'boss' quite a bit.
Folks.
Kenji Lopez alt signs off with a shout-out to "guys, gals, and non-binary pals" so there's that
Yeah I'm terrible at this. Almost put man in this sentance twice. I don't stop myself unless explicitly asked as it would be quite patronizing to treat them like they're somehow different than all the other women I call man or my guy however but when asked it's hard to stop. I do my best though
I do my best though
That's all anyone can ask for really! Mistakes happen, I even misgender myself sometimes
I work as a bartender and call the most feminine cis gendered women the world has ever seen bro, brother, mate and man. I don't even want to do it and always feel embarrassed afterwards I'm just a chronic bruh poster.
I was working at this fancy upscale botanical garden and instead of greeting the patron with a very formal "Hello, welcome!" I said "Sup?" with the chin up and everything...
I died a little inside that day.
I used to use "man" in a gender neutral way a lot. Like "hey man" or "what's up man". Probably a '90s kid thing. But here's the thing, it's not about how I feel about the word. It's about how the person getting called that word feels about it. So I've made a conscious effort to stop using it. It's really not difficult to not be a selfish asshole.
These days, the only person I still say "hey man" to is my weed guy.
Whenever anyone says "hey man" to me I respond with, "no, not anymore" and they tend to get really confused.
https://www.etymonline.com/word/dude
Interesting suggested etymology, I'd never have thought dude about the type of person described there.
Earnest question -- sorry if this is offensive or something everyone already knows -- but shouldn't you treat transwomen and ciswomen the same?
I mean, mostly, yeah. The issue is, while most people will say dude is gender neutral, it really depends on the person.
I'm trans, I have two friends who call friends dude. One is a woman who I have known for like 5 years and will call everyone and everything dude. When she says it I don't feel weird about it.
I have another friend who says dude is gender neutral and I've known them for about the same amount of time. However, I have never heard them call a woman dude. They say they do, but I our mostly female friend group, I think I've only ever heard it towards me.
That's really the issue. People will say it's gender neutral but not use it neutrally, and believe me, trans people notice it. Anecdotally, this is how my trans friends view it as well, but take my experience with a grain of salt.
You are not wrong. But trans folks can be a lot more sensitive around language use sometimes. Misgendering ranges anywhere from annoying to hurtful to being an actual verbal attack. So their skin is often less thick for gendered language.
Yes. If I know or suspect that a certain word can potentially hurt a cis-woman I know due to her unique history, I won't use it around her, either.
Yes but this is more like not telling 911 survivors plane jokes or rape survivors rape jokes
Trans- and cis women are both women, but that doesn't mean they are the same in every way, no?
I have a brit friend. Rough guy and personal security specialist (ex military). His funniest quirk to me is how he will use "honey" and especially "sweetheart" with anyone, regardless of gender and with absolutely no malice.
EDIT: LOL, this was meant as a response to a comment I can't even find now. Sorry, didn't mean to reply to main.
Fuck, this is my daily struggle. At this point if I realized I messed up in text I let the conversation go for a bit then quietly edit that part out, because when I used to apologize I ended up just calling attention to the problem, which was annoying to my friends and caused it to hit worse.
My pre-teen daughter calls me "girl" all the time. Like something "what you mean, girl?"
My favorite though, is taking all their slang words and using them. They hate it.