"I will not drink today" is such a powerful ally. Such a small, simple thing to commit to.
There will probably come a day when it becomes a very difficult thing to commit to. But luckily, not today.
Slowly, the realization sets in and things start to feel a bit weird:
- I may never need the corkscrew in my kitchen drawer again.
- My impressive skills in opening beer bottles using any object within arm's reach are now useless.
- Should I throw out the collection of funny shot glasses and German beer steins already?
- What about the bottle of Gin I distilled myself at a workshop in Patagonia, using local ingredients?
- Or the local bar which is the central meeting spot of my village, where local news are exchanged, networks formed, and where I could often drink for free cause the bartender values my input on new cocktail creations?
Tomorrow I'm invited to a crime dinner where everybody was assigned a role to play during the evening, tailored to their character to make it easy.
I'm the cheerful drunk, a man who "always has a double Scotch in hand and a witty toast on his lips". I guess that's how I presented myself to the world. I'll still attend, and bring a Scotch bottle filled with iced tea. I already informed the host I won't drink.
On Monday we visit my mom. She'll want to drink champagne with us, and take it personally if we say we don't drink, cause she's also addicted to alcohol, but still in denial.
In 2 weeks, my entire office goes to a beer tasting festival, with brewers from all around the world. I was looking forward to it. My boss bought tickets for everyone, which weren't cheap and are non-refundable. Everyone in the office drinks, sometimes at work, too.
Do I go and end my drinking career in style? Probably a very bad idea.
Do I go and only drink alcohol free beer? I don't think I'll have the willpower, and I will get mocked.
Do I cancel and say I don't drink anymore?
Make up another reason? Call in sick? I honestly don't know...
Memories are another thing. So many good memories related to alcohol. So many nights without memories, too... Best not to dwell on it.
On the other hand, so many problems that will just be gone. My beer belly that gets in the way on my road bike. The drunk useless arguments with my wife where we both forget what we're arguing about. The question "can I still drive?". Being completely useless before the afternoon on a Saturday. The shame of waking up and realizing I pissed my pants – again.
Thank you all for the positive feedback on my post yesterday. It really solidified my resolve to make this a long term thing. I will mourn a bit for things that are now in the past. But I will not drink today.