Ask

I used to travel all over Europe for work, one day I arrived in Munich where the passport control officer asked if I was there for Oktoberfest. I explained I don’t drink and I was just there for work.

He looked me up and down, tilted his head a little and said “Really? You, Don’t drink?

I’m a big guy, not fat fat, but big. I was so annoyed with suggestion that I must like my beer because of my stature, I stewed about it in the taxi all the way to my hotel until I caught myself in the mirror of the hotel room, where I realised I was wearing a Guinness shirt I picked up in Dublin the previous week.

Have you ever had a dish washed at you?

One time someone just walked off while I was speaking. That was hard to miss.

Hmmm. Probably a teacher asking me to take a seat across a desk from them, ignoring me while typing something, taking a moment to look at me, and going back to ignoring me. For like, 10 minutes.

You know that thing people did where they look you up and down, then sneer?

That's punchable in my book.

Like, yeah dude, I'm that hairy, and yes I have a hail satan shirt on, but go fuck yourself if you don't like it. Which is communicated with simple gesture in return to the sneer. Only takes lifting a single finger

People with poor hygiene and/or smelling like tobacco are an insult for my senses.

Does being on the receiving end of bird poop count?

I was asking a woman at a gas station for help because the pumps were glitching and when I was finished explaining the problem, she hawked a giant loogie (loudly and purely through her nose) and spat it on the ground roughly equidistant from us and to my left about a foot. We were outside, and it’s not like she spat at me, it seemed to be a mostly biological function, but I was pretty grossed out and offended.

She looked to be in her mid fifties, too, so I really wasn’t expecting it. I haven’t been back to that gas station since, even though it’s the closest one to my sister’s house and the only convenient one between it and the highway.

There was a dog just sitting there next me. Almost subconsciously I reached to pet it and I got some aggressive side eye from the owner.

Look me in the eyes, frowned, got up from the table and walked out of the room. I farted at the dinner table.

Getting mooned by a farting butt.

Hmm I don't have a lot of conflict in my life. Probably an exaggerated eyeroll (the kind where they wanted you to see it).

But in general, I'd put a finger in the face up there. It's such a trigger. One of my coworkers and a manager almost got into a fight over this one and had to be separated lol

Big sighs, depending on context.

🖕