If Saints Row taught me anything, don’t discount the dildo bat.
this post was submitted on 06 Mar 2025
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The way it flops... I could not stop laughing the first time I used it.
When the dildo bat is unavailable, use the alien dildo instead aka the Tentacle Bat
The captains log!!
In Kirk's defense. He did try pulling a phsae-rifle on gary and it didn't work. So, realizing his backup was non-viable, sought a more reliable solution.
Necessity is the dildo of invention. As they say.
In Kirk's defense, he didn't need anything more than a club. The man could full-body body-check multiple opponents at once. He fought a dinosaur hand-to-hand, and in the end won by hand-crafting a blunderbuss using nothing but natural environmental materials.
Picard: Shoot them.
Sisko: Shoot them.
Janeway: Shoot them.
Kirk: Fuck them.
Kirk, when his "natural" charm fails.
Sisko and Eddington at Solosus III
Shaka ,when the Jem'Hadar fell
Kira, her head replaced
It's absurd that they send their top executives on away missions. He's a desk officer. He should never hold a gun.
This always bugged me. Dangerous planet where we have no idea what to expect? Let's send all the most senior staff.
It's especially hilarious on DS9 when they send the entire command staff of the station PLUS the non-Federation security chief on random missions.
Like, who's running the fucking station if the Dominion attacks?
Pulling out – the secret weapon.
To really cement your dominance try not pulling out. They'll feel very subordinate they have to clench and hover on the car ride home so they don't get white stains in their pants.
Are these phaser rifles actually better? It never seems like they’re any more powerful or accurate than the handheld versions.
A rifle is more stable than a pistol, even when recoil isn't a part of the equation. More mass means it needs more force to change the direction it's pointed in, plus the stock can be braced against the chest/shoulder to make it less dependent on keeping arms steady.
Plus I'd imagine more space gives it more versatility. The hand phasers are enough to vapourize a person, but the rifles can likely do that more times with less overheating or increase power even more to overwhelm shields or vapourize larger or more stable things.
But yeah, overall power and accuracy are whatever the writers deem them to be. If Piccard needs to take out three enemies while not taking out two others, it doesn't matter if he's ordering Worf to hit them with the ship's phasers from orbit or throwing rocks.
My complaint isn’t that the rifles aren’t conceptually be better. It’s that you never see this in the actual media. They are a plot device to show “we are super serious now” but then they never seem to be better than the normal phasers. You never see a situation where oh the normal phaser sucks but once I switch to my rifle the situation is solved. Unless there is an example of this.
In First Contact, they only got a couple of shots out of the rifle and then used them as melee weapons. Well how about just give everyone a bat’leth to begin with?
i chuckled at lower decks just calling them "big phasers"
Maybe they have a higher energy capacity, so more shots can be fired before recharging it?
Citation needed. I don’t recall a case of this being demonstrated.
Star Trek isn't hard sci fi, as long as it isn't completely ridiculous the writers will alter devices to fit the plot.
So if the writers can just make things fit the story, I don't see why we can't do the same. After all, it wouldn't be weird if a larger device has a larger storage capacity as well.
You know what they say, dildos are just diplomacy by other means.
Picard and diplomacy not working – pick one of the two.
Except with the borg.
There was that one time he used diplomacy to... diplomatically reveal that he'd brought a bunch of trigger-happy Klingons to a confrontation with the Romulans. Picard loves diplomacy, but I would not want to face off against him in a shooting war.
Diplomacy failed with the Sheliak also...he just turned to being a straight up dick
I actually think finding a bureaucratic loophole in a treaty to force your opponent to negotiate is a pretty great example of diplomacy.
I think Picard is no stranger to speaking softly and carrying a big stick
"You may test that assumption at your convenience."
Ah, the gentleman's fuck around and find out.