you're a great ape somewhere between 150 and 300 lbs. It's a 15 pound bird. I'm sorry but this is embarrassing.
this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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I actually have wrestled a bit with a pelican and can say that if you're prepared to take a few scratches you'll be able to hold one down. You just have to hold the beak and wings, once you've got it pinned their legs are too short to really get at you.
Admittedly the pelican in question wasn't operating at full potential (recovering from a wound) but I was in my early teens at the time so wasn't exactly an example of peak physical performance myself.
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(3 replies)
Real answer?
Don't fight the pelican. The law is on their side, for one thing.
No I don't think you could hold it away from you without hurting it or you. No I don't think it has any intention of harming you, unless you are a fish. Walk on by, it will either just sit there or fly away.
Bird law in this country is not governed by reason.
It depends. How exactly do you expect to find yourself up in a fight with a pelican?
i dunno man, use your imagination. maybe I wandered too close to its nest
how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?
DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.
there's a brown pelican that hangs out...
Poetry.
Actually, wait...
how badly could a
pelican fuck me up in
a fight? DISCLAIMER
.
I am not planning
on fighting a pelican.
There's a brown peli-
DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.
I need this on a T-shirt.
Seriously, this is the best thing I have seen on the Internet in a long time. It's like I'm in 2013 all over again. Lol.
You could get that printer on a T-Shirt very cheap online.
Probably better to pay more though as when I’ve done this with cheap ones they don’t last.
I thought the exact same thing when I read the title and first line. Post of the year.
it should be like "I'm not planning on fighting a pelican"
Nah, I like the original way more.
"I'm not planning on fighting a pelican" comes off as "well, I'm not planning on it, but it could happen",
while "I'm not planning on fighting a pelican" comes off as almost a political statement: "Statement: I do not have plans to fight a pelican." like a politician at a press release.
I feel the latter would confuse people more. Lol.
during the first women's march I wore a shirt that said "nobody for president" and everybody loved it including the counterprotesters
Abe Simpson Voice "I'm a nobody!"
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We were on a Zoo trip during summer camp, me and my brother and a bunch of other kids from our judo class. Mostly early teens.
Certain areas in the Zoo had free roaming animals, mostly kangaroos, emu, peacocks, some ponies, goats and sheep. A couple kids had the great idea to pester the pelicans. Pelican are a funny bunch that keep begging for treats with their giant beaks open and waddling around. They look less than threatening, although they have that frowny looking eye.
Anyway the kids decided it'd be fun to take turns spitting into the beaks of one particular giant pelican instead of giving it treats. It didn't really like it but the kids kept persisting, daring to lean in closer and closer into the pelican's wide open beak. Finally my stupid little brother in the spur of the moment thought he'd show the other kids how it's done. He ran up to the pelican, leaned in really close and spit the most nasty wad into its beak. At that moment the pelican turned its head sideways and
*** CLAP ***
I'll never forget the sight of my brothers head being completely engulfed by a giant beak.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The grab only lasted for a blink of an eye. My brother didn't even have time to realize what happened and struggle against it. He came out with a surprised and slightly scratched face. The surprise turned into a grin and then laughter within seconds.
Nevertheless, the pelican gained the respect from the kids and they've stopped pestering it. But somehow I imagine that this is basically the worst they can do. Give you a stereo-slap on your ears with their beak. You are safe against that brown pelican.
Be glad it's not a cobra chicken.
Those people are assholes. Like I was a prick when I was younger but never to animals and doing stuff like this.
Just be glad your brother isn’t a pigeon or other similar sized bird. A pelican can and will swallow smaller birds whole!