this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

Spoiler alert: It's a research program for over 20 years at Northeastern University to understand the impact of steroid abuse in teens.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4720269/

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

Here's a fun game: describe your research/interest in a similar way that Fox/Republicans use to describe research. The more misleading it is from the actual research, the better.

I'll start: watch how tired mice get when they get sick

(determine the mechanism of how microbial contact affects host circadian rhythms)

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago

Even that wasn't quite clickbaity and broken enough.

I studied whether we could operate dump trucks on mars.
(Super hydraulic fluid based rover systems)

My friend made moss in jars for air conditioning.
(Super endothermic moss for cooling, oxygen and protein development in space)

You gave mice the flu and asked them to sleep.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

I study how fast poison leaking into the ground is cleaned up by microbes, and how it's possible to protect drinking water sources from that poison.

I honestly don't know how to phrase that so it sounds ridiculous or useless.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago

You watch trash water drain into dirt

[–] TheFogan 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Researchers spend $X to find out if poison kills microbes.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That just sounds like antibiotic research.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Researchers spend $X to find out if microbes kill poison

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I'll take a stab at it.

"Researchers spend $X to see whether poison leaking into the ground gets into our water."

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Researchers Poison Groundwater!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

No, that would implicitly admitthat pollution happens, which would never occur on Fox. Better version might be "see if dirt absorbs poison"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Researchers spend $X trying to poison groundwater, thankfully foiled by bacteria.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh that's easy. You're the one turning Frogs gay.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Shit, you got me.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My company charged the government billions of dollars for a camera that takes hours to take one photo.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Is Skynet upon us? Communist robots now get to think faster with new brain!

I'm researching heterogeneous cores embedded systems for robotics running open source software. ><

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My company costs the government billions each year for weapons that haven't been used in nearly 80 years. Talk about inefficiency!

Nukes and nuclear nonproliferation.

Shout-out to republican department of energy head Rick Perry who wanted to get rid of the DOE thinking it was just solar panels and windmills. TEXAS MAN THINK GOVERNMENT ENERGY BAD.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Like all god-fearing men, they are afraid of invisible powers that actually work!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You seriously (I’m dead serious) need to pitch this as a game show to Netflix.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

Already recorded and cancelled.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Always nice to see a fellow circadian researcher in the wild. Be curious, be critical, and most of all, bmal!

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 weeks ago

Republicans and intellectual dishonesty

[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Why aren't they televising it? They could fund the entire university. Heck, partner up with those sketchy betting apps and do studies on addiction

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah this is fucking awesome, regardless of impact.

I am, however, torn between the idea of roided up hamsters punching each other with boxing gloves and the knowledge of the reality that they probably just ate each other alive so after a certain point it was just animal abuse.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

The trick is to keep recording until just before that point

[–] TheFogan 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That seems to be so common of a theme in theirs... Testing narcotics on animals to make predictions of how they impact humans is constantly being used as a chilling and watching animals take drugs". The idea that there's solutions to drug use that might be more effective than throw drug users into private prisons to do slave labor seems quite lost on these people.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Let's be accurate here, private slavery companies.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm guessing that rightwingers prefer this study.to be done on teenagers directly, making a steroid pumped teenager nightclub camp

Hey, research is research

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Why not
they don't give a shit about kids, after they're born that is

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago

Unchecked misinformation and algorithmic control of people's eyes and brains will be the collapse of civilization before climate change does us in.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago

I look forward to watching the federal govt give 5mil to newly formed X Research to determine if Christianity should be taught in school as the one true religion.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

stuff like this I actually don't mind.

Someone had to look at these research papers - assuredly more than one - about (in this case) the effects of steroid abuse in teens. They had to understand the gist of that research. Then they had to create a pithy one liner that conveys that gist, albeit arguably dishonestly.

That's way better than "windmills cause cancer" or "migrants are eating pets."

I'm all for the trend of badly summarizing important clinical research, because we can correct that. At least we have a better chance of correcting that than pure lies.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Rand Paul is just mad if scientists keep investigating someone is going to realize the only thing going on in his head is two hampsters boxing.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

I honestly read this and saw no problem

Like that seems important enough to research lol