I was hoping for Cards Against Humanity to do it, but this is just as good.
this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
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I initially thought this was going to be an onion article, but here we are. Class.
As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO's life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWarswarehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.
Man, the Onion really is a national treasure.
It's America's Finest News Source!
Honestly using Infowars to raise awareness of gun violence in a satirical way with help from Everytown is such a middle finger to Alex Jones and I'm all here for it
They should run actual left wing articles but write them to sound like right wing conspiracies. Like, politicians say raising trans kids is child abuse? THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CALL YOUR OWN KIDS!!
I'm a little worried that, like the Colbert Report, the weirdos won't realize we're making fun of them.
Does that matter?
It'll be fucking hilarious but it's not gonna break them out of their bubble. Not even if they give a speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, assuming we ever have one again.
I don't know that they can be broken out at this point. We've reached near-Heaven's Gate levels. They just haven't all drank the poison at the orders of Dear Leader yet.
Ladies and gentlemen, great patriots all across this occupied country of the former United States of America- it's time now for us to take the fight to the devil directly.
Last night, I woke up and God told me it was 4 a.m. I was literally told, "Go look at the clock. It's 4a.m. Get up, and go look at your phone."
Four AM! I'm like, This is really God! and God goes "Yeah. And I told you 45 seconds ago, now 15 countdown!"
And by the time I was like, bluhbluhbluhbluh okay it's been about 3 so 12, 11, 10, 9... and this happened! On my children! And right at zero, bloop! Four-oh-one! And I'm sitting there while I'm looking at the phone, pissing, at 4:01 going My God! Literally directly communicating with me in space live time!
And then he told me to sell to all the patriots the Final Supplement! And it will give us the power to fight the Devil because we're gonna win! So go over to drjonesnaturals.scam and buy all of them! Give them to your wife! Your daughter. Your dog- you don't want to leave Fido here with the Satanic Globalists, do you? They'll be on sale for the rest of the month.
-Something Alex Jones may or may not have said mixed with something Alex Jones may or may not say in the future.
They still have the dinner, Trump just doesn't go.
That's an honest question. There was a recent F.D. signifier video on edgewood films and if satire works or not.
To save you an hour: While yes, satire is funny and informative for those of us on the left, and they show a great degree of well made art which you should enjoy, those who support what's being satired aren't impacted. Rather they ignore the overall message and cheer on the negative aspects being made fun off. Which wouldn't be a problem if it didn't amp up terrible aspects (violence against marginalized groups, for instance) and thus end up getting people hurt and/or killed.
I don't know that a YouTube video is the best way to determine that. I'd like to see some peer-reviewed evidence.
Agreed, but it's still a good watch. . He has a relevant degree (sociology?) and was a social worker for a while so his perspective is still worthwhile.
Sure would be nice if social science were complete, and we could say with scientific certainty the effect of any given social activity.
Here are a couple published articles that attempt to get at that question, more research required tho.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/07255136231154266
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00936502211032100
If nothing else, it’s diverting views and revenue from whatever genuine right-wing media they’d be watching otherwise.
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I need to know that Dan and Jordan will get access to the desk.
Beautiful! I can't wait to see what they do with this. They could even do what Fox does and just repeat Onion articles on Info Wars, and then report InfoWars nonsense on the Onion.
I guess the guy that bought the Onion was actually being honest about loving it and letting it grow.
They brought back the paper edition of the Onion and also gave the writers more freedom to write random shit. It sounds like they liked what The Onion was and want to make more of it.
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
The Onion’s parent company, Global Tetrahedron
Eee! They named the parent company after the evil corporation parent company in The Onion Movie! That makes me unreasonably happy! 😂🥰
It was originally created for the satire book Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source
This is some next level meta.
I hope they didn't pay more than a sack of onions.
I hope it's a lot. The money here is going to the families of Sandy Hook victims. There isn't nearly enough to cover the full court ordered payout, but it's essentially a donation to them with extra steps.
I know, but why should someone other than Jones pay up? He has obviously put aside a lot of money that is due to those affected - he will make even more in the next trump turn. If he gets away with that and shows that it's worthwhile to run a business as immoral as his, others will do exactly the same.
Edit: nvm, I forgot that Trump still owes the state of New York half a billion dollars for massive financial fraud that he will never pay because the US citizens elected him the next president. Well, too bad the US legal system doesn't prosecute anyone personally - especially not with criminal charges. Sorry, I always wrongly assume that the US has a semi-functioning legal system. My bad.
Apparently, the familes actually agreed to a lower price on this one.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-onion-buys-alex-jones-infowars-auction-sandy-hook-families/
"The Connecticut families agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion's bid, enabling its success," according to the statement.
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Lmao no fucking way. That’s hilarious
How wonderfully appropriate!
This is the most patriotic thing I've heard in quite some time!
Guess InfoWars will begin publishing more factual articles, then.
Goddamn, I was sure I ate the onion on this one.
This is probably the best possible outcome.
This is so unreasonably fantastic hahaha
The Onion out here reminding me that there are still good people in this world (outside of my boyfriends, family and friends)
I had hope that the onion would buy infowars and just post all factual news about the presidents antics on info wars and keep the onion satire. But then I realized that would be too good.🤞🏼
That and The Onion could never outperform info wars in terms of absurdity... Still...
A sort of justice served... In a funny and positive way.
Ahh, there’s still good in the world.
Red Alert!
I love you.
I believe we can all guess what JorDan's bright spot will be tomorrow!
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Hello, Based department?
Oh this is great. I can't wait to see how it turns out. I truly hope there are some confused idiots when it switches over, although they'll probably believe everything and not recognize that it's satire.
After some pretty grim shit for weeks on end this is some decent uplifting news.
Watching the republicans cry on Twitter is the best part about this
They're all saying it's the Democrats trying to silence the truth and how they are knocking at his door trying to take his business and how it's unfair
This is such a funny dream. It would be really funny if I wake up and this turns out to be true
Best news in days, good job onion, I can't wait to hear Jones's spin on this.
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