"Let me make you feel this way real quick..."

"No reply, just feel!"

I think this person asking you is really trying to tell you you did something the wrong way, but in a less direct manner, because directness is considered "rude" in some cultures.

Holy crap I feel seen! I always wondered this also!

I absolutely hate when people say shit like that, and I will 100% tell management in front of everyone "If you just want someone to blame, that's fine but don't ask me to explain something and then get pissy like a child when I do exactly that."

Because that's exactly what they are doing.

And I will not participate in such assery.

A reason is a motivation to do a thing. An excuse is a reason to do the wrong thing (though not necessarily an inherently wrong thing - just anything that the other person thinks was wrong).

Every excuse is a reason, but not every reason is an excuse.

There are genuine good reasons for things not going as planned. Like things being outside of your control.

But if it was inside your control, and you could definitely have made it go as planned, but you didn't. Then your reason is an excuse.

Imho, an excuse is just an invalid reason, and that varies person to person and situation to situation.

I work in a role that has customer service elements, and sometimes there is no difference. Some people just want to be angry. CEO types are the worst about this, where an “excuse” is any less than perfect reason (from their ungrounded point of view) and a reason is whatever they accept, and usually their mind has already been up. Perfection or perish.

On the other hand, if I was late to work, and my manager asked why, and I said “Oh, there was a major wreck on the freeway” he would say “oh, that’s fine” knowing I often get to the office a little early because I add in an extra 20 minutes for traffic, since that usually gets me into the office in time due to how unpredictable my commute times tend to be.

The director at my first job, would not give a flying fuck, and would exclusively say “stop making excuses, you should have left earlier” if i was like two minutes late for any reason, even if a normal person would go “oh ok, that’s fine”

Oh, yeah, I think it's just a speech figure to win the debate.

Some boss-normies constantly do this to up the pressure and you stress levels.

I just stated to either fully ignore such questions or give beck bullshit one-liners ('bcs I know what I'm doing', 'it was the best resources allowed', 'bcs I deliver & achieve goals, and this one is achieved', etc.).

But it's all just leader bullshit.

As for dealing with other people, it's subjective. If they're not satisfied with your answer, it's an excuse to them.

To be a bit more specific, I'd say there are two factors at play, which are of course hard for the other person to judge, especially if they're a manager not involved in the task itself:

• If you can reasonably perform the task as expected despite the obstacle, it's probably an excuse. If you can't, it's almost certainly a valid reason.
• If you wanted to perform the task as expected, then something that caused you to not do so is likely a valid reason. If you didn't want to, then you're more likely to be using an excuse.

Of course, it also depends on the priority level of the task. If your sibling asks for a glass of water and you get them a mug because there are no glasses in the cabinet, those stakes are low enough that it's a valid reason even though you could have checked the dishwasher or washed a glass yourself.

Reasons are explanations for actions. Eg. "The reason I was late turning in my homework is that I had to got to the hospital".

Excuses are explanations for actions (aka reasons) that are not socially justifiable. Eg. "The reason I was late turning in my homework is that my friends invited me out for drinks".

The hard part is that jackasses will view even valid reasons as excuses, because to them any factors negatively impacting you are not more important than the end result being achieved.

(got put in wrong place. Edited and put in correct place for proper response)

excuses lend themselves to lengthy explanations. reasons are more succinct and pertinent

Every excuse is a reason, but not every reason is an excuse.

There are genuine good reasons for things not going as planned. Like things being outside of your control.

But if it was inside your control, and you could definitely have made it go as planned, but you didn't. Then your reason is an excuse.

It’s a problem even for those of us who are neurotypical (my son is not which is why I follow this community also, so as he gets older I can understand better).

But as someone said, bosses especially will say this and they really just want you to say it was your fault.

In my mind, the difference is if you are excusing the behavior.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I missed my alarm” is an explanation because I’m not excusing the behavior, just explaining.

“I’m late because my alarm didn’t go off” is an excuse because I’m asking to excuse the behavior.

That said, excuses seem to have this bad reputation as being just a reason for laziness, but they really shouldn’t as they can be valid.

Example, my work requires 2FA to log in, which I get via a text. I use a local carrier and “our vendor who handles texting went down”. In that sense, that was my excuse for being late getting logged in - and it wasn’t laziness.

More often than not it's more appropriate to say "I misunderstood, how should it have been done?" or "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I'll be more careful" which may or may not include an apology depending on whether you inconvenienced someone else.