this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Is two weeks of Paternity leave enough (relatively)? (beehaw.org)
submitted 4 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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My spouse and I have recently been talking more about starting a family. There's a good chance we'll stop preventing soon though we won't exactly be "trying" either.

I currently work as a software engineer at a fully-remote startup. Its a pretty small company without an official paternity leave policy, but I emailed HR and they indicated they had given other people 2 weeks of PTO for paternity leave. My question is; if you were in my position, would you consider looking elsewhere for companies that have more paternity leave? I'm not sure what amount is normal or good, but a previous search yielded dads talking about months of paternity leave being too short, which got me worried. Then again, since I am remote, maybe I am more worried about this than I need to be? My wife has chronic fatigue so I expect she will need plenty of help from me especially with a newborn.

I have worked for this company for about a year and feel neutral about staying. It is somewhat chaotic like any startup, but it also seems to have the best chance of success out of any of the startups that I have worked at. I could maybe find better pay elsewhere, but I am not interested in chasing money alone. Another concern I had was if I started looking and got a new job I wondered if there might be some delay before I was even eligible for parental leave, but again I have no idea if this is a realistic concern.

I'm pretty sure the real answer to the title is no amount of time is "enough", but hopefully you all can help me form realistic expectations. I'm excited and terrified at the idea of having kids and I also tend to agonize over decisions and over-preparation, so any and all advice is welcome. Thank you!

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 weeks ago

Not at all.

[–] CameronDev 13 points 4 weeks ago

Its up to 22w in Australia, so 2 is definitely not enough. But, you are remote, and I presume that comes with a lot of flexibility, so unless you switch jobs to one with somehow more flexibility, it might not be worth it.

Also, definitely worth checking if the new job will actually let you take parental leave early on, sometimes you need to be at a position for at least a year or more before it unlocks.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago

I don't want to be disrespectful, but I don't know which isolated island you come from, because two weeks of paternity leave is illegal since some years ago. Now paternity leave, according to the article 48 of the Statute of Workers' Rights, is 16 weeks.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago

Two weeks is short. Six weeks seems more reasonable since that's when child care will take infants.

As far as expectations of being a parent to a newborn: you will be tired, emotionally drained and fatigued to memory loss. You can actively be involved in easing and sharing this burden with paternity leave.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

haven't had a kid, but 2 weeks with a wife who has chronic fatigue seems really short. honestly the start up life doesn't strike me as great for having a kid, but idk what your job situation is. can you peace out for a day or two every week without things going off the rails? if so, you might be fine. but usually, start ups are pretty lean, and rely pretty consistently on the presence of each person on the team (or at least, this is what i've heard, i haven't done a start up, either)

how much do you have to help your wife? have you asked her thoughts on the situation? does she work?

you'd might want to do some research on child development to help form some timelines. e.g. when does the baby start crawling around / how long are they breastfed? learning stuff like this should help you roughly forecast how much supervision you'll need to give (it's probably not linear, fwiw)

last thing to consider is, what if your wife or baby comes out of this requiring more care than average? what benefits does your work provide in those situations? not everything goes as planned, and i'd be a little worried about that given your wife already has one chronic condition. pregnancy is not exactly easy on a body

regardless, i hope you can figure things out and everything works out well for you and your family!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Chronic fatigue AND THEN had a baby? Holy shit what a champ. That's a hard road to walk

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

to clarify, i'm talking about the hypothetical situation where OP's wife, who has chronic fatigue, also has a baby. i'm sure there are people out there with chronic fatigue who have had babies, of course, and they are champs, but uh, i believe that would be a future situation for OP :)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

If you're in the US, you may also want to look into FMLA leave. Certain states also have programs that stopgap poor employer parental leave coverage. Definitely see what is available to you!

[–] vrek 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Fmla only means you won't get fired, not that you will be paid.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Yes, but some states provide that coverage on top of FMLA, e.g. California providing up to 52 weeks paid for injury recovery (DI), and 8 weeks for child care/ bonding (PFL).

Even if 8 weeks isn't much, it's 4 times what they were being offered, so certainly worth checking for their state.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

Two weeks truly isn't enough. I know it's not standard everywhere, but 3 months ought to be the minimum. The first 3 months of an infant's life is a huge learning curve that requires lots of time and attention. If you are able to split parenting duties, it will make the whole experience a lot more manageable and enjoyable.

Since it sounds like your company doesn't have a well defined policy, try asking your hr for a longer paternity leave. It's way too common for paternity leave to be short changed, or for fathers to opt for shorter leave.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

A year would be good, think that way. Anything less is bad, you just want the least bad option. Your spouse needs you there, your kid needs you there, that's the priority.

Unfortunately you can't know what it will be like until you do it. Some kids and parents need very little help, some need lots - you can't choose what your kid will be like. Anyway, it will be great and fucked up and stressful and beautiful

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I got 16 weeks at a tier-2 big tech company.

I look for 12+ weeks but the market is a hot mess so I had to take a position with 4.

It’s worth every day if you can get it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

Parental leave is 40 weeks in Canada, which can be shared between the two parents. That is paid at 55% of the household income.

Individual contracts can be more, of course, but not less.

I've never taken it, so I don't know the details.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

I've never had a baby, but I will say that, when getting a new puppy, it's best to have the first week off to get them settled in and develop a routine, etc.

So I'm going to guess you're going to want a lot more than that for a human baby.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

2 weeks is just good enough for mom care. If you're looking to bond with your baby, I recommend taking at least a few weeks by yourself after mom goes back to work. That helps you find a way for how you would care for baby, not how the mom does.