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I've been away from beehaw and it's been too long.

It's been a really hard stint for the past 4 months. On that time we've had:

1. Our van needed a $3k+ repair which put it out of commission for over a month and a half.
2. The day after our van came back, the garage door spring broke which cost another $400.
3. Two days after the van came back repaired, someone broke into the van and stole my wife's purse with all of her credit cards and her green card.
4. The people who stole my wife's purse tried to cash a fraudulent check. Even though we caught it early and it never went through the bank decided to still put $1500 in hold for two weeks.
5. Because of the hold, I was late on student loan payments, two car payments, and my mortgages, also incurring over $120 in "insufficient funds" fees across these services from auto payment I had set up.
6. Not long after I got serious and terrible pain for two days, went to the ER and was diagnosed with appendicitis and had an appendectomy the same day. Not excited for the incoming medical bill on that given all of the other financial stuff I've been going through.
7. Spent the following week bedridden, which sucks for me because I like to go outside and be independent.
8. Once I got back from recovery I found out that a 6 month initiative I was working on at work has its deadline moved up early and now I have to make a decision that I don't feel equipped to make. This is something that will cost the corporation hundreds of thousands of dollars and Im afraid that it won't go well and blow up in my face.
9. I had to travel for work which was really hard given I'm still recovering from my appendectomy. I had a ton of people who came up to me who wanted to meet with me and have a ton of stuff to plan a long with my current work, which was just super overwhelming.

I'm just really glad I've had great bosses and coworkers who have supported me through a lot of these hard times. My work is usually chill, but I'm guessing that since so many people go on vacation on the last quarter people are rushing to get their stuff done early. I also got to vote early too l, so I'm glad I got that done. I just hope I can actually relax during the holidays.

Now that the week is behind me, I have assessed that it's time to start looking for a new job. My team lost our CISO in February, and mgmt placed us under the Operations director, and they do not know what they're doing, and don't have our backs. The whole team is burning out rapidly, and I don't think it's long before most of us start moving on.

That aside 🫠 I had a nice Saturday taking a long walk and getting hot pot with my partner!

My best friend from when we were kids reached out to me, and we re-connected! I'm so happy I might actually cry!

Also, so I suddenly get motion sick super easy now, which is kinda funny since I had zero issues with VR headsets for hours at a time before, and now a flat screen can be too much. Also apparently I'm squeamish now too? Had to deal with dead bugs at work and it made me feel so sick. Weird.

Anyways my week has been fantastic so far and I'm actually starting to enjoy life, even things like folding laundry or standing in a line to vote.

The past week has been a mixed bag!

Not really amazing, but also not the worst I guess. My work is now tracking mouse and keyboard inputs for productivity.

In other news, Youtube messed with their backend, and it might have affected the impressions I was getting on my live streams? I'm not entirely sure but impressions dropped significantly this week. I think I'm getting too caught up on numbers rather than just having fun so I gotta probably say screw it and just have fun lol.

The one thing I've really learned about YouTube and creation over the years is how much work and effort people put into their creations. I think when it comes to media we often just look at the thing at face value and forget the time, effort, blood sweat and tears that go into making things.

It's made me really appreciate stuff in general which I think is really good/cool. Especially artwork in general. I found traditional artists incredibly impressive before. But now my mind is blown whenever I see cool paintings, sculptures or whatever it might be.

Had my name change hearing a couple days ago, I'm now legally Audrey! Going to the office for the first time in girl mode and I'm terrified. I'm honestly kinda concerned that the timing of this might prevent me from voting. I live in Seattle, though, so it won't affect the Presidential election

I broke up with my fiance today, it was was the most painful thing I've ever done

It's one of those weeks I can't believe I'm off my medication.

Haven't had a meltdown at work. A ton of candy orders and they fucked up our app so the seasonal aisles are out of order and picking candy is difficult and tedious. Plus the displays are flimsy and off-balance and I keep spilling candy. This kind of thing normally wears me down quickly so I'm relieved I managed to keep it together.

Made plans with friends and actually stuck to them! Even though it required me to clean my nasty kitchen! We carved pumpkins and got to play with each other's cats.

I also got some quality time in with my niece, although I'm a little disappointed because it cut into my time at the zine fest that I'd been planning to go to for three months. Told everyone I had shit to do and we had to leave, but no one listened. 🥲 Got about 30 minutes before the fest shut down, I tried to meet some artists but it was rushed.

Still, my niece will have good memories of her aunts coming together for a trip to the library and a craft day.

@alyaza Are you guys voting already? Good luck and hope the orange man only gets to serve fries for the rest of his life. Here it's a cold day. We're already experiencing temperatures as low as 1°C and the radiators are cool as well! I'm basically waiting for the heat to come already. Yesterday, I heard some water going through the pipes but when I touched them they were still cold. I don't know what's going on.

I think I'll get my plants inside the house and I also tried to look for a bigger pot for my ficus. Sadly I cannot find anything in the regular supermarkets, so I think I will go to a specialized store.

I'm happy about the outcome of the Moldovan elections (about which I wrote more broadly in the Politics community) and I'm looking forward to our elections too. They are the most anemic presidential elections to date and I'm really not sure if I should vote for the lesser evil or cancel my vote...

scheduled when i plan to vote (early). need to do my research first!

good news: jean (chi mix) got a new personal best on sunday for her 100-yard dash (8.65 seconds / 23.65 mph)! we have another event this coming weekend at a different club, and we'll probably meet up with some social media dog friends. :)

i'm pet sitting for a sweet border collie from the same rescue where i got echo, so that's been fun. speaking of echo, we've stalled a bit on our nose work course, so i need to get back into that once i'm back at home. been having too much fun with treibball.

Good, so far. Caught a fuck up a work for a project I did in January last Friday. Couldn't get it figured out. Normally that would have ruined my weekend but I was able to put it aside and think about it today at work.

Stupid calculation error because we had been shuffling numbers around at last minute client request. Figured it out now, and I'm back on track.

Blew my dietary macros today, but I've been doing good in that department otherwise

I sent mine via fax/email, no less than 2 email confirming receipt.

Still harassing my family to fill out their ballots.

The last couple months for me have been such a huge range of emotions. I'm glad I began seeing a new therapist at a practice which works with lgbt+ people and alternative lifestyles. It's made such a huge difference and it feels like my therapist is working with me instead of giving me "one size fits all" responses or coping strategies.

I'm also really happy that my therapist suggested I check out some event promoters for meeting people. Ended up going to an Enter Shikari concert last night and met up with with one of those people I met at a mingling event. She came with one of her friends and they were both super nice and so much fun. One of them was off in the mosh pit half the time and trying to crowd surf, the other was this tiny little girl at the edge of the mosh pit pushing people back in. It was amazing. I woke up the day before with a super stiff neck so I stuck to the edge of the mosh pit with the other. Fortunately the muscle relaxants and weed pills I took earlier helped with the pain so I was able to enjoy the night and energy.

Love that band, amazing show and I had such a good time. The person that met at the mingling party is also into techno, including the hard stuff. She also told me to let her know when I'm back in Toronto when we parted so I'm going to let her know what techno parties I'm headed to in the future.

Her friend also gave me a bunch of metal bands to listen to which I'm excited to check out. I cancelled my Spotify account a while ago so I've been re-exploring my current library for the past while. It'll be nice to add something new. Plus I prefer this form of music exploration compared to all the algorithms and "AI" playlists. It's far less overwhelming and lets me appreciate albums as a whole again.

I'm in such a good mood right now. Could be better but I'm paying the price for being in the mess of a rock show. Should have been resting my neck at home with a heat pad but last night was worth all the pain.

I'm into week 7 of this new job. It's moving by really quick, which is a plus. But I'm having doubts.

It's way more chaotic and unstructured than I expected it to be. Which is weird because, aside from a quick 3mo stint at one place, the rest of my ~19yr professional career has been in small businesses that were often chaotic and unstructured! At my last job, where I did a total of ~17yrs over two separate stints, I was the only IT guy; I was constantly winging it and figuring things out. I practically had no training, supervision, nor oversight when it came to making things work.

I guess I expected that, since this new job is an enterprise-level place, the technical environment I'd be in would be enterprise-level. But it's not. It feels like a small business again. But somehow worse. Just today I was in my first meeting with the supposed networking group, and one guy was going through the laundry list of issues. One being that there are numerous people outside of this team who have the same powers and permissions as this team! And this issue, among others, seems to exist in multiple related areas, including those that I'm supposed to be managing. And there's no one to say "Stop that!"

Plus, I was hoping I'd be able to get trained in some of this. There's a lot of stuff here that I've never touched before. Unfortunately, my role is essentially brand new and the group I'm supposed to be working with and sorta helping to lead was literally created two weeks ago. Along with my practically my own job! No joke, I nor my employers knew what exactly my job was until two weeks ago. Plus, I didn't even think I would be leading in any fashion. I feel like I'm just getting tossed in and being told to figure it out, which is not at all what I expected or wanted.

On the other hand, I wonder if what I'm feeling is just because I'm new. I've only been new to a job three times over the 19yrs. So I'm not used to not knowing about things and not being the "expert." Which is uncomfortable. And when I feel uncomfortable, my default action is to run away.

I don't hate this job. And nearly everyone I've worked with or interacted with so far has been friendly and helpful. When I have questions, they answer to the best of their ability. So it's not like I'm truly in a sink or swim position. Plus, given how things are run here, I don't think there's strong pressure from above to quickly take action to clean things up. Those above also recognize that this whole division or whatever we are is a WIP. Supposedly, my whole team doesn't even officially exist, lol.

Obviously time will tell, and of course, I don't have to stay here forever. But I've definitely been on the lookout. I know these days it's normal to always be looking for the next opportunity. I also can't quit without having something else lined up either, as I just moved across the country, spent a shitload of money to do that, and still have a year on my lease. So quitting without a new job would be very, very, very bad.

I think I just have to take it day by day, week by week, month by month. My goal is to get to 1yr.

Ah well. Tomorrow is another day. And by Friday, it'll be 8 weeks. Only 10 months to go.

I'm about to replace my 2016 ThinkPad because I fear it may be showing signs of failure (it tenporarily wouldn't recognize any connected microphones nor even its built-in one), but I don't know what I should do with it after. Would people still buy it despite its age? It has two 256GB SSDs in it (a built-in one and then one I added).

Had an intense weekend. I went clubbing twice and now suffering the hit on my immune system at work, oop.

Starting to figure out a way to talk to my friend about her self neglect and poor handling of her friendships. Sometimes life is a lot easier than I think it is. Just have to talk to people about stuff, it doesn't need to be the perfect conversation each time as long as I'm bringing up the subject I guess.

nothing much tbh. left my internship since I wasn't learning anything from that(I mean I was learning something but it wasn't worth it). other than that nothing exciting is happening.

First post after returning to Beehaw after I left the fedi for a while (feels good man.jpg)

Otherwise, trying to control the absolute fire hose of propaganda and manipulative media regarding the US elections. Oh, and I don't know what I'm going to make for dinner.

I finally got a new iPhone for the first time in six years and the difference is staggering. Things are advancing so fast that there’s really no reason to go cradle to grave anymore.