this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2024
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Ask Autistic People

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A community for anyone to ask autistic people questions: non-autistic people to learn about the autistic experience and autistic people to get information or validation from their peers.

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  1. Follow instance rules
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  3. Questions must be directed at autistic people
  4. If you are answering a question and are not autistic, please state so in your comment. Otherwise, it is presumed the respondent is autistic.

Keep in mind: Autistic people are a diverse group with diverse experiences and perspectives. Not one represents the entire community.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Things that have helped me be understood:

  • Reading tons of fiction. Good storytelling is an art, and following the masters has helped me.
  • Joining a men’s group. It’s helped me resolve emotional hangups that prevented me from communicating what I felt in the nonverbal signals that evoke people’s empathic response.
  • Becoming a better listener. More time spent caring about others and processing others’ stories programs the brain with the common language of shared experience.
[–] [email protected] 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
  1. I agree with reading fiction and good storytelling: that's why I read Herman Melville (Moby Dick) and Mike Mignola (Hellboy)
  2. Uh...where can I find a men's group?
  3. This would be my least greatest specialty, unless I have people I actually trust?
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago
  1. I recommend Stephen King too
  2. Google. I’m part of a larger organization called the Mankind Project, but there are many others
  3. You don’t need to trust people very much to listen to them
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

That's a very broad question that could be asking about a few different things.
A good start here, would be to elaborate more on what you mean exactly. Maybe give an example?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Not what OP asked, but your response is a good example of how someone could/should react to when someone is not understood well 😅

[–] [email protected] 2 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

How do you get different people to understand you depending on life scenarios from home to work and in-between.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)
  1. Do you mean in conversations, like people don’t get what you are trying to say?
  2. You could also mean that people don’t appreciate how you are and aren’t more understanding towards you.

To 1.: When there are misunderstandings in conversations, it really depends on the topic and person… For example, today I had to explain to someone how some preferences in a sound mixer worked. For that I tried explain it how I saw it, but when I saw it didn’t work, I tried different methods of describing it (metaphors of generally known topic or a more broad description). Also a lot of people seem to make more an effort to understand, when they feel like you talk to them in a way, that they also feel acknowledged and accepted.

To 2.: In general, I have learned, that a lot of people are trying to be more understanding of a person if one invests themselves in them in some way.

You could also have meant something else, that I missed…but hopefully this helps somehow I’m by no means an expert on this, probably more the opposite. This is just my experience.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

More like how people don't appreciate whether they understand me or not.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Everyone's got their own problems. When they're done dealing with people (even trivial like just talking), that's less problems for them and that's why few people are investing their limited time on you. In their eyes, why should they care whether they fully understood you or not, they don't have any drawbacks usually.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 hours ago

I bet. It's hard to make friends with people on a day-to-day basis unless you have a job like me. My boss is really nice and so are my coworkers but that's it.