Genuinely curious what you have against Sony. Canon user myself, but Sony is pretty popular, what's so bad about it?
Photography
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I had the same issues years before I bought my Canon 7D. AFAIK there isn't a pcpartpicker.com for photography gear, but I spent many hours reading the forum posts and reviews on DP Review.
The main takeaway I got from them was to spend on lenses as they will stay with you through multiple camera bodies.
Also if you go the Canon route, they used to (and maybe still do) have a program where you get a credit for trading in a Canon camera. It did not need to be working. I bought a dead canon from ebay (~$20), punched in the serial, and I think they gave me over $100 discount/credit towards a body
If you're going to buy used lenses, make sure you test them thoroughly, a used lens is like a used HDD, you have no idea what the last person did to it. Also, if buying online, make sure you look at the return policy, a lot of places will make you pay the shipping for returns. HTH
Reviews reviews reviews.
Cameras are kind of a dime a dozen nowadays. They all accomplish nearly the same thing and most people would opt for a phone with a nice camera before thinking of a dslr or mirrorless camera.
So when a camera really sticks out as quality and unique in the reviews it's usually a good sign. To me Fujifilm are making some of the best "affordable" cameras right now.
I mean an XT3 would fits a lot of your criteria and can be had on ebay for around 1k as a kit.