Posted by U/textbookthrowaway8. I am not the OP.
Some backstory: My fiancee Annie and I have known each since we were children and began dating junior year of HS. After HS we both went to our state school and I asked her to marry me junior year of undergrad.
I have always dreamt of being a doctor, as has she. When the application process began, I applied to good mix of MD and DO schools of varying degrees of selectivity (though all med schools are insanely selective). I had initially planned on continuing my education and my state institution because I did not want to take on too much debt. I did end up getting into my state school’s med school, but I was also unexpectedly was offered a spot at one of the best med schools in the country (i.e top 3) in New England (We are from the West Coast). I would have been inclined to reject the offer had I not also qualified for a partial, but still significant scholarship. It would still cost me more out of pocket than my state school would, but not significantly so(maybe a couple thousand dollars more). Annie, despite pleas from myself, our parents, professors, advisors etc. applied to /only/ our state school and to some insanely selective (top 10 MD) schools, that she, to be blunt had no chance of getting into given her admittedly mediocre grades and research experience. She was rejected from all the schools she applied to, including our state institution. Obviously, this crushed her and I have tried my best to support her during a difficult time and to help her remain optimistic.
Our situation now is this - I am currently enrolled at the aforementioned New England medical school, while Annie has decided to take an year off to strengthen her profile with research experience, physician shadowing etc. and is currently living with me. There were no jobs open related to her undergrad major (political science),here or in our home state, that would be able to give her sufficient time off for research, so she is currently working part time in the retail industry. I have tried my best to be completely supportive of her as I know that this is a difficult time for her, and I have never,ever said “I told you so” or ANYTHING along those lines.
This is what ended up happening on Friday night: I was home, studying for a test on Monday when annie came home from work. She came over to my desk and kissed me. I asked her how her day went and she didn’t respond, and suddenly looked VERY pissed off. After a few moments she said, “what the FUCK is wrong with you textbookthrowaway” while pointing at an anatomical diagram of a vagina in my textbook. I was speechless. After regaining my composure I managed to let out a surprised “what do you mean? I’m studying”, to which she said something along the lines of “You know what the fuck I mean, why the fuck are you looking at pictures of women’s vaginas?”. This was VERY strange because she knows I occasionally watch porn and has no problem with it, in fact I know that she enjoys porn from time to time as well. I explained to her that I have to take anatomy in medical school but she wasn’t having it. She took my textbook and stormed off to our bedroom and locked the door. I could hear her crying and I kept apologizing. After a few minutes she opened the door and threw her engagement ring at me before slamming it shut again to continue crying. I continued apologizing but she did not respond at all. I spent the rest of the night on the couch.
Saturday morning, she wasn’t home. I checked my phone and there was a text from her saying that she was staying with a friend and that she “was done” with us unless I dropped out of medical school and found another job because, and this is an honest to god text from her, “she doesn’t want me ogling at vaginas like a fucking pervert”. This is COMPLETELY out of character for her. She has always been level headed and reasonable, and has no history of mental illness or anything like that. I am not a stupid person and I know that this has way more to do than a picture of a fucking vagina in an anatomy textbook but I have no idea what to do right now. She has stopped responding to texts and won’t pick up her phone. I spoke to the friend she’s staying with who basically called me a fucking asshole and said that annie is crying and getting drunk, and that neither of them want me coming over to speak with her. Her parents passed when we were young children and she doesn’t have any siblings or much other family. I have no idea what to do anymore. I love her more than anything, but there is absolutely NO WAY I am dropping out of medical school for her, and I would rather we break up than I bend to her completely unreasonable demands, but I am very concerned for her mental health right now, and need any advice I can get.
TL;DR: Fiancee of 6 years saw a vagina in my textbook and now wants me to drop out of med school
I’m sorry for the grammar and formatting, i just cant think straight right now.
I [22M] am in medical school and my fiancee [22F] freaked out after seeing a diagram of a vagina in my anatomy textbook. Together for 6 yrs. I don’t know what to do.[UPDATE]
update
I’ll save you the trouble: she wasn’t cheating nor was she pregnant.
Yesterday I decided that enough was enough and I headed over to where she was staying intent on ending the relationship. When I got there she was half drunk what followed was a LOT of screaming and cussing directed at me. I learned why she wanted me to drop out. It had nothing to do with textbook vaginas.
When I was a sophomore two of my friends dropped out of college to work on their tech startup full time, and invited me to come work with them ( my undergrad degree was in comp sci). I rejected the offer because I wanted to concentrate on my dream: becoming a doctor. Fortunately, their startup did very well and last year they sold it to a large tech company for a very large sum of money (in the low 8 figures). I was thrilled for them. After they sold the company, both of them obviously had large lifestyle changes. One of them proposed to his girlfriend with a ridiculously fucking big diamond, and they are frequently vacationing in exotic locations with family and SOs. Apparently, their success and lifestyles made my girlfriend extremely jealous, and she came up with the vagina thing as a way for me to drop out of med school, because she thinks that I can “easily get a job making 150k a year at a bank so we wouldnt have to live like fucking refugees” and that I am a “fucking idiot” for not doing so. Still I was confused. I asked her about our dreams of being doctors. Turns out she never really wanted to go into medicine but only claimed to because “it was all I ever talked about”. I guess that explains her application strategy.
I was done. I broke up with her on the spot and told her not to contact me again. She is going to continue staying with the friend while we figure out a living arrangement.
Reminder: I am not OP.