Mostly about the same, but I am now more aware of them and able to manage them better and, hopefully, catch myself before things get too bad.
this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2024
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Aww, super jam! That's really cool =)
Better, but I suspect that’s largely due to the fact that im way more economically secure now. Thus I can afford, literally, to avoid situations and sensations I can’t handle.
Aww man, I was thinking about like...splashing cash for comfy clothing and just like comfy everything. Like never having another material that ever feels to "scratchy" or too "trappy" again. Hot damn, man you just lit up my brain like a Christmas tree. Hehehe!
I know you're talking big picture, but that's where my brain went with it =P
That’s a great example of what I was talking about.
It’s also about the situations: regarding clothing, I avoid working for uptight companies that do the whole “serious business” suit and tie thing and instead work for ones where the dress code is wearing jeans and t shirt every day. But I can only do that now that I’m more economically secure and have the CV power to actually get to make that choice.
So I’m never in a situation day to day where I have to wear a stupid scratchy collared shirt. (Ever seen Falling Down? The opening scene was sooooo hard to watch cos it reminded me of that shit)
Falling down? You know I think I know of it (it's the one about going postal right?) but I actually never ended up watching it. Which is kinda funny, cause I had it lined up with Taxi Driver but pulled one and not the other (I had Taxi Driver first and it was like game over by the end).
I don't really understand corporate rituals. I don't know if I ever understood them. I know they are the way they are to do business globally. But I think it's way better to do like you're saying and just feel comfortable working. Because that's what drives others further. But eh, it is what it is. I'm glad you got there! Thanks by the by =)! For that bit at the top, it was sweet!
Yep, that’s the movie. Hmm I haven’t seen Taxi Driver but I hear they’re similar. The opening scene of Falling Down is like.. the character being driven crazy by all these abrasive sensory things while stuck in traffic. Would screw with anyone but yeah.. that oldschool srs bsns office getup is my most despised element
You’re right, a lot of the time the rituals get in the way of getting the job done. And you’re welcome, thanks for the thread!
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ND here, with autistic spectrum trails.
For me it's getting worse.
But my sensory issues started around puberty.
Major issues.
I can't work in noisy environment, like excessive talking, loud music, machine buzz.
I started using earphones when I'm outside (walking or riding a bike) or do shopping.
I hate sunny days in the summer.
Can't stand blinding car headlights at night.
Room temperature comfort, looks like the range is shrinking.
Mine are also much worse and I suspect it's because I'm I'm a near constant state of burnout.
I hope you find some way to start taking time and space for yourself through out the day. Cause you can get really sick staying in this constant state of >o
Do you mean burnout from the overstimulation or just everyday feels like a groundhog day?
My burnout is a bit more complicated. The elements you described are involved but there's also an element of being trapped or out of control.
Yeah, these run the gamut. What's the other side of the fence? ADHD? Know the two are solid bedfellows =P!
As for me...I just experienced my least favorite sensation on the face of this planet. Or at least, that's what it felt like when I experienced it. It fills me with doom, and makes me want to rip off my own skin. In fact, that's what I imagine through flashes of what I can only describe as "pain" but can also describe as a "serious case of the yucks." I know it sounds like I am downplaying this, but legitimately I feel so unbelievably awful still. But it cools off after a while. But I have noticed it has gotten worse for me as I've gotten older. Maybe because I am not so mean to myself, and just accept my experiences as valid. But it's still hard, because it's something so casual for most. And it's like finger-rippingly awful to me.
I can still acknowledge that I am okay though, and that's pretty good. Phew!
Anyone else wanna share?
They've gotten worse. I became a parent, and that's stressful. and Stress makes my sensory issues worse. and Kids are a sensory nightmare.
No lie, and I mean no disrespect - but I thought the other day "Thank god I am not a parent, because I have no idea how people can hold down their own shit while trying to pretend everything is okay and taking care of at least one living, breathing thing with their own wants/needs/personalities." I feel like that would be my hell. But I know there's got to be some really wonderful trade offs that I can't see because I am on the outside. I hope you have some kind of sacred space or time to decompress from it all.
I feel no disrespect. Having become a parent, I understand why people don’t want to be one. It taught me more empathy and is why I’ve doubled down on abortion rights since becoming a parent. It’s scary, it’s super difficult, and I understand people’s decision. I can’t imagine being a single woman, alone, pregnant. And watching my ex wife struggle with birth to ultimately have an emergency C section opened my eyes to why women don’t want to go through that. They inflate a balloon in you!
Yo, you're a really cool person. Sorry it didn't work out with your wife. Idk what led to what, but I am thankful every damn day that my partner and I have pretty-identical disorders. Because I've been with a lot of people, but I don't think any of them ever quite got me like she does. Or vice versa, I think there's a lot of stuff we do left of center that neither of us give a hoot about but would be considered "weird" or "annoying" in other situations. I mean, I got alright. But it really does feel different to be understood and not just accepted I guess...is what I mean =P!
I used to call myself nature's birth-control. Because while all the little girls around my age growing up were naming their children and planning their marriages (like at six, legitimately) I was sitting around with the boys and drawing obsessively. I love my pets like they're kids, but I also understand they're still pets at the end of the day (I say this because I think a lot of people are more prone to the plight of animals than people - and I know it sounds anthropocentric but people will spend tons on carting animals around the states for adoption but won't bat an eye that there's tons of humans starving all over the world. Don't dig factory farming though!) << aside!! But I don't believe I have ever had the urge to have children in my life. And I am rounding the end of my ovulation-cycle (I guess it's called? Idk. I am just pulling that out my ass) so I don't think it's gunna hit but who knows? Either way, I think a lot of women (like my mother) followed traditionalist logic. But I don't think she ever was particularly driven to have children (I think the autism comes from her tbh), nor was particularly enthralled after having them. I mean, I was okay, but I think my other sibling pushed her over the edge to be honest. She for sure changed after they were born, but equally as I became less of what she expected and more of who I actually am she clearly felt a strong distaste for my being =P!
We're okay now, but I think because we've reached a mutual space of love and respect. But for sure, I am still convinced my mother never wanted to be a parent. And for sure I believe this is actually more common than people want to admit. But I used to think it was a gay thing, but I've met a ton of gays who want babies. So idk, seems to be more of a personal thing.
I think it's super cool that you support women's rights though. Let alone people's rights. I was watching The Cut (I think it is? Nope it was Vice) or something like that once upon a time on Youtube. There was a guy on there who was a former Marine, who talked about how he was really angry. Just so angry all the time. But then ended up having two daughters, and in his love for them and his wife he found a way to become more empathetic and it really touched me. I know people kept making fun of people "not realizing women are humans until they had a daughter" but I think it speaks levels to how toxically men are raised. I mean it literally seemed that up until now (where it's 50/50 on what side you get) all roads led to you being "gay" and being "gay" was the worst thing you could be if you were a guy. And it stopped people from being able to enjoy the things they liked, or express themselves in ways other than being funny/angry/silent. And that's pretty fucked up.
Not saying women have it better, but that in general it's pretty crazy how we've let extremist really run our society ragged. And as a little aside, on the c-section thing, a loved one lost their sister recently due to a botched c-section. She complained in the hospital that she felt unwell, but nobody listened until it was too late. And in my own health journey (which has been incredibly tumultuous until I finally started getting heard only recently) I know the medical system tends to operate off of high-speculation (esp. with women). And lord knows it's racist as hell too =P! I just uhh, cringe when I think about it all.
Either way - cheers and you keep being you =)! Even if you and your kids don't exactly fit into one another's worlds right now. Maybe in the future at least one of your kids will find a really sweet way to connect with you and you'll end up falling in love (all over again?) and it'll be super great =)!
The older I get, the more loud noises bother me. That might be normal though? Hearing loss is pretty common among the elders in my family. 🤷🏻♂️
That doesn’t make sense to me lol. Wouldn’t hearing loss make loud noises less bothersome?
Woah, your name. Is a whole thing. Of space and time =O! It is a bug zapper, for my mind. Also, hey - you azn? Whatsup!
you azn?
No I'm a filthy gwailou 😔
Hahaha, you cracked me up! Hahaha! I legit typically see only Asians taking the time to select the light-skinned emojis. So I thought maybe "hey brother!" Hahaha! Hey either way, hahahaha~! Hahahaha. I am still laughing. Hahaha!
I think I've mostly gotten to understand them better, and put more meaning to them.
a) Super cool, really dig that.
b) By meaning do you mean like...the source or perhaps like...how to mitigate them or just that they exist and will always exist so it's best to just accept them? If you feel like explaining, I am interested.
For example, I've come to understand that my hypervigilance isn't a deficit, but in fact provides me with valuable information about details, that other people just completely or mostly miss out entirely on.
Trusting yourself is such a big one in a world that keeps telling you you're wrong one away or another.
I feel that. I actually talked about it up there. We just see things differently than most people, so we pick up on a lot of details that would otherwise go unnoticed. I will say it's a double-edged sword (why is that light bulb humming?), but it's still been a blessing in my own life. So I'm not knocking it =)!
I bet you know too, who's your actual ally and who's just going through the motions through that as well.
Yeah, what sources of information do you believe in? I believe in my own instincts. When my intuition tells me something, it's likely true; no matter what other people say.
I had this conversation with my girlfriend earlier cause like - okay let me explain. She was doing this whole thing talking about the difference between fetisizing people and having a kink. And talking about how she learned it in school, saying fetishes are exclusively towards objects. And I was like, that's bullshit because people get fetishized all the damn time. And she said well that's the classic definition. And I said, yeah well fags are a bundle of sticks and a dyke is a thing on the side of the road. And I said I know this sounds super woo-woo but science has to be definitive in nature in order to be expressed. Otherwise you're just speculating. And that there are things that I believe that we intrinsically know as human beings that even if the science hasn't caught up yet is still true. And if what's in the DSM-5 says something (which I just looked into and it's not explicitly objects - so she might have some misinformation there) that I don't explicitly believe in it'll take some heavy evidence to lead me in a different way.
But I will say that I am open to suggestion, but I also trust in my gut. Especially on personal matters. Because people can be cruel, and if they figure out you're "different" than them some will mess with you. This was some real brain-soup so apologies if it was all wobbly. I am gunna go take my buns outside and chill. Hahaha!
now in my 30's they are definitely better than back in my early 20's. used to hurt my ears when people just talked in the same room, that went away completely. couldn't touch some materials like cardboard and paper, now i can but it still irritates me a little. some things have stayed, like it hurts my skin if someone rubs me over a t-shirt but direct skin contact is fine.
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It's a bit hard to describe. Because I've learned to have much more awareness oh what is happening to me when I'm experiencing sensory issues. One the one hand, this has made me hyper aware of them sometimes, which makes me sometimes hyper focus on them, making them worse. But on the other hand, I've learned to actually realize what is happening and get myself away from the situation, or at least practice some coping mechanisms and to practice self compassion. A bit of a two edged sword.
I've heard a lot of the "adulting" aspects of managing things is basically always towing the line between blowing up and being okay. God that sounds awful. By that, I mean I heard it's something like - if you notice you're being triggered super hard by something figure out a way to calm down as best as you can otherwise you might lose control of yourself and you could end up pontentially harming yourself or others (and I am not saying just going around smashing stuff up but just kinda "losing control" in general). But I'm not a doctor, and I only know what I know. One really great thing my therapist said is that even planning rest can be an exhausting situation for someone who's neurodivergent. So on a whole, it let me be kinder to myself and the things I need. Not having children helps with this about ten fold. But it's always an uphill battle, and I feel like we get stuck with the short end of the stick a lot, and have to work harder than most just to exist.
Another thing I read, which might have been on here - was that it seems neurodivergent folks have their own social cues and are much better at picking up them between one another. And while I can't speak for the whole of my closest loved ones - I can say one unifying factor between all of them is that they're all "kinda different" and they all have "big hearts." And by all this I mean, it seems when you surround yourself with people who just "get you" or just want to "be your friend" (the same as if you were 10 years old or 50) they always seem to be the easiest to be around. And I never stress about anything outside of frustrating situations they might be going through together. And if I feel like shit, I don't have to hide it - I outright say "I feel like shit" and they just accept it. It's pretty tits, and it's kept me going after all these years =)!
Gl! You got this. Keep kicking ass and taking names! HYAH!
I've gotten way more sensitive to clothing textures as I get older, and I don't remember having too much texture sensitivity as a kid (except for hating itchy tags). I'm also way too aware now of my clothes when I sleep, so sleeping in any kind of pajama bottoms or socks is impossible for me. That never used to be A Thing for me until a few years ago. It doesn't really impact my life very much though.
Idk how old you are, but I wanna just make assumptions (because it seems there's a large bracket of a certain age group floating around here) and say - it's it crazy to get more sensitive to clothing textures when all clothes used to be made of the most durable yet least breathable/staticly cut/outright funky (but some real!!) materials? LIke, sometimes I'll go to thrift stores and see stuff that I actually wore (not the actual clothing, but like the same shirts or jackets or whatever) from a hundred years ago and my hand will wander to the material and I will wonder how I got on so long in life wearing a paper bag and pretending it's clothing. Or itchy af sweaters. Or sweats that felt old the second you put them on. And maybe, because they were? Idk, it's weird.
But new stuff is nasty too. I am like a huntress on the prowl for solid clothes. Cause stuff will say x-material and feel like someone slid their shit-covered ass cheeks off my side. No thank you (and apologies for the visual, it's just what came to mind =_o!) I'm glad you found what works for you. I hope things level out and you just do what you gotta do whenever you go shopping =)
Better - but not through age.
Since I got diagnosed late, my before-diagnosis time was a mess and I had no idea why. Since my diagnosis and me subsequently understanding what's happening I have become less likely to compromise on things that will cause meltdowns.
I also have disabled status so I can request accommodations at work, and lucky enough my team and workplace are lovely about that.
I can't tell if time made a difference for me, but I feel like I've lost patience for people telling me "don't be like that", but that's probably also due to knowing what's going on now. I keep asking them if they'd tell a quadriplegic to not be like that and just real quick get them something from the high shelf. Surprisingly efficient, although there's always people claiming you're just being dramatic. Thankfully they are a minority around me.
I feel this terribly deeply. I wanna send like e-hugs because it's crazy how bad life can be pre-diagnosis. I can't say what it's like on the other side of the fence, but I can say for sure there's some mental scars that I will probably always hold that won't swap. And maybe I don't care if it swaps so much anymore, because I know who I am and I am valid so you know - there's that.
I'm glad you're holding your own and not getting harmed (as much more than likely) anymore. Because you deserve happiness, and people are hella quick to take it from people they don't understand because they don't believe they deserve anything less than the floor.
I've been kicking around the idea of disability for the past year or so. Because I know I can get it, but I also know it's a long process. I ultimately want to marry my partner if plausible, and I think that'd drive a wedge in the works. There was a point where I was so crippled with pain that I couldn't really do anything. I am on some new experimental treatment that has helped but there's still times when my body just shuts down, and this past week was a "kind" lesson in it. If you have the time and the care (as in you do not have to do this) you mind hitting up my inbox and telling me some more about disability x gigs?
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Much better, but then again, leaving my parents house and finding myself on a safe environment for the first time in my life made a lot of things better I did not expect.
This might be an experience that more autistic people have
The actual experience of them? About the same. How much that impacts my life? Less than before.
Because I have greater vocabulary for describing what's wrong and have greater agency in my life to decide not to experience it I can avoid it better. I've also found that drowning some textures with others works;
Ex: melted cheese outside of the context of pizza or as a sauce is not good to me. However adding several other textures helps a lot. So getting a cheese burger when I ordered hambuger is only really a dealbreaker if it was meant to be bun, catchup, & burger. But if I get other ingredients light cheese isn't unacceptable.
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I do better with light-based over-stimulation than I did in my early 20s, but I have a lot more trouble with sounds. There's a retailer here in Japan that has its store music (loud), various TVs and other devices playing separate ads at the same time at high volume, and just people noise that leads to a cacophony that triggers my fight-or-flight. I can't go in there for long without noise-cancelling headphones. My brain I think tries to listen to everything at once and can't separate things out leading to issues; I hear them all so I can't listen to or discern any one of them (which is a more general issue I have that gets worse as I get older trying to hear people over any background noise).
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