this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024

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Question for those who are Hypersexual. (lemm.ee)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So I know that despite the classic portrayal of an autist being someone who is asexual, many of us are at the opposite end of the scale. Yet if you search for Lemmy communities, there are several for asexual folk and none for hypersexual folk. Is there any good resources for us to rant/support each other/talk about our struggles? If it were specifically for neurodivergent folk, that would be a great bonus.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I think it's uncommon just because society doesn't really view it as a problem. Hypersexual women are so desirable people barely believe they could exist, and hypersexual men are just... normal. Every guy is like that, men only want one thing dontcha know.

It's the same thing as trying to talk about the difficulties of having a big dick - building a community is hard when every 2nd response is "lel imagine this being all you have to complain about dae charmed life".

It'd sure be great to have a support group, but you'd need the terminator of moderators to keep it from being overwhelmed by losers trying to hit up everyone that posts.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Hypersexuality that primarily exists in one gender is a massive problem for everyone. And I know there are hypersexual women who are in relationships with men with lower libidos (know one personally) - maybe they have a house or children or other emotional/financial anchor.

But yeah moderation sounds like a nightmare.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure society would view it as a problem if they came home to find me fisting their mum. Which I would 100% do because I have no standards.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

If I had to speculate wildly (oh nooooo not speculating-wildly, I hate doing that nooo...), the problem there is that they're discovering their mum getting fisted, not that you'd be willing to do that (maybe their mum is into it, not judging). Spending three minutes in a COD lobby will confirm the existence of people that want to fist your mum, I don't think anyone is particularly surprised by that aspect of the situation (except for the people discovering their mum in the act of getting fisted and, possibly, the mum). I'm not saying this is a bad idea, I am in a relationship with someone who's sex drive is waaaaaaay higher than mine and being able to talk about that would be awesome! I'm just saying that 'society at large' is awful, and anything that doesn't align very specifically with broad cultural values of something being 'a problem' is going to be overlooked or dismissed as 'whining' or 'being ungrateful' or whatever other toxic thing. Hence why that community doesn't exist yet.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'd just like to talk to other people who's first thought when meeting someone is also "I wanna make you sound like brain damaged livestock".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Concerningly specific description, but you do you!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Or thoughts to that effect. You know what I mean.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

By hypersexual, do you mean people who have/desire lots of sex, or people who are fixated on sex and related subjects as a topic of interest?

For me, it's more of the latter. Unfortunately there's no help out there I've been able to find. Best advice I have is to find the least unhealthy ways to satisfy those feelings and keep them pointed in that direction. In my case, that's been picking up art as a hobby and using it to illustrate weird kinky shit, and finding a select few people to share it with.

I've also found the modern social landscape, both online and irl, to be weirdly regressive on sexual topics. I'm not going around flying that flag per se, there's a time and a place, but people having weird kinks is a common topic of public ridicule.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

In my case at least, an unmanageable sex drive. As in if I could spend all day every day having sex, I would only stop to replenish my electrolytes or pass out from exhaustion.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's definitely different from my experience, mine's more of a "get obsessed with a specific kink and see how far down the rabbit hole for it can go, rinse+repeat" thing. My actual sex life is pretty mundane, I have a stable relationship and we get it on a couple times a week, work schedules permitting.

Maybe it would help to involve other people if you can find them and your SO is open to it, although talking about sexual topics is pretty different from engaging in sexual acts. Mine isn't really into the same stuff I am from a fantasy perspective, so I have some specific friends that I go to for those topics.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Unicorns are hard to come by, but she has mentioned it a few times. Difficulty with that is it's hard to schedule a 4 hour depravity session around the constraints of having a full time job and also more than the average number of children (yes it turns out there are consequences).

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yet if you search for Lemmy communities, there are several for asexual folk and none for hypersexual folk.

As far as I know, there are no active ace communities on Lemmy.

Also, I don't think ace and hypersexual are antonyms. Not even sure if hypersexual is even a well defined within psychological circles, except to say when thoughts about sex are frequent enough to cause distress, including things from OCD to high libido and more, all of which aces can also deal with. If anything, being ace probably means being more likely to deal with stress from those things if you have them. Being a horny ace is annoying.

Anyways, good luck find a community. Seems like the type of niche thing you'd have to go to a larger website for. But they'd probably attract a lot of with weird sex-negative ideas (think far-right people like proud boys who are at least somewhat serious about things like NNN).

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I have little patience for right wing folk. No shame in nutting 20 times a day it just kills productivity.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

You can find people who can relate in the [email protected] community because hypersexuality is one of the common symptoms of mania/hypomania. I don’t think we have any specific resources though. You are more than welcome to post there without having bipolar!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I think I might be one of them. Aside from other good points with the other comments, yeah the struggle is real. My sexuality has toned down a bit as time passes but it's still a pretty big thorn on my side where sex constantly trying to take front and center occupation of my mind. I just wanna live my life lol.

I don't see why you can't rant here

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Mine goes up and down depending on my mood generally but I generally want to have sex 2-8 times a day. My fiance is happy to reciprocate pretty much every evening, but she's not always there. I also have to go to work, where the majority of my colleagues are women, and my kids daycare where one of the teachers has really wide hips and a big ass, Jesus Christ she's hot, I swear I literally fucking drooled last time I saw her. Or the fucking supermarket where the cashier constantly gives me suggestive looks

Constant feelings of sexual frustration.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Are you on Adderall? That stuff makes it worse for me

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Rits, but I always forget to take them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I don't know of any resources, and it's definitely something I feel like I can't talk about. You aren't alone!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Because you aren't hypersexual or because it's taboo? Your name suggests you're pretty spicy 😜

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

:P It's a little of both - I've cooled off a lot now in my late 30s, but I had a very hard time as a child and into my teenage years. It's the events from back then, and the choices I made during that time that I carry a lot of shame about.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Hey! There's two of us!

I don't have a lot of shame though. I've come to peace with it. I have a condition that doctors absolutely refused to treat, and I had to self-medicate.

If I had been allowed a real education instead of fucking abstinence only crap, I wouldn't have been sobbing into my pillows at night because I was burning alive and didn't know what to do. And then I wouldn't have seized so hard on what I thought was the answer!

The decisions we made were the best we could with what we had. I wouldn't hold any judgement for someone else who did the things I did, only sympathy, and I don't want to be a hypocrite so I treat myself with sympathy, too.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

You see I'm also in my late thirties and there has been no let up. It's just a constant stream of detailed sexual thoughts about so many different people. It's debilitating.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm a sex addict Aspie.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

High five!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

I don't think I've ever heard that Aspies or Autists are asexual. My experience has been that Aspies are very sexual since we don't have the normal social controls that normies do. I, a mid-50s man, was working a booth at AtlSecCon a couple of years ago and a young woman student walked up and started asking questions. I answered them and at some point the fact that I was an Aspie came up. She said, "I am too! What kind of Aspie are you?" I said that I was a sexy engineer Aspie. She replied that she was a sexy creative Aspie and asked me what I was doing later. The girl was probably 19. I told her that I was having dinner with my account executive and meeting an old friend.

I've also found that explaining what my being an Aspie means to normies makes things easier. Every now and then you run into one who understands and decides to take advantage of the opportunity which is awesome.