this post was submitted on 30 May 2024
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edit: I have changed my title to match the new NYTimes headline. Sorry about the all caps, I guess they are really excited about this lol

Also shoutout to @[email protected] who shared a gift article link in the comments. I hope you don't mind but I kinda stole it and updated the post

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[–] [email protected] 165 points 5 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 122 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 months ago (11 children)

God damn it, don't take my job away from me!

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Today we're all flying high, Squid

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I was and then I got out-Rikered!

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 5 months ago (8 children)

Translation: republicans rigged 2016 election to usurp power, stole 3 Supreme Court seats, passed illegitimate tax cuts for ultra rich, and committed violent insurrection when public legitimately tried to remove them from power.

Every. Single. Republican. Is. Guilty. By. Association.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago (3 children)

So what happens now?

Fines? Community service? Jail? Nothing?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 months ago (15 children)

He'll get 34 slaps on the wrist then become our president for a term that doesn't end until he dies

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago

Won't know till July when sentencing happens.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago

Most likely, fines that he'll pay for with cultist money.

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[–] [email protected] 150 points 5 months ago (13 children)

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Trump is a fucking convicted felon and a serial rapist. Fuck him. Now on to sentencing.

[–] [email protected] 87 points 5 months ago (4 children)

There may have been some light treason also

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (8 children)

Who among us has never committed a tiny bit of light treason though…

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 5 months ago (4 children)

If he is guilty on even a single count, the former president and the presumptive republican nominee for the White House will not be able to vote for himself

What a shit show the Republican party has become.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

Apparently, assuming he's voting in Florida, for an out of state felony they use the other state's rules to determine if he can vote. For New York, you can vote unless you are in prison for a felony (people on parole can vote). So unfortunately unless he's thrown in jail, he'll probably be able to vote for himself in Florida.

https://www.aclufl.org/sites/default/files/field_documents/florida_voting_rights_amendment_4_one_pager_august_2022_final.pdf

But hey maybe he goes to jail for something finally. That'd be nice.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago

Fuck prisoner disenfranchisement. Adult citizens should be able to vote, full stop. Even a treasonous scumbag fascist racist felon like trump.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago

#34 out of 34!

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[–] [email protected] 102 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Guilty on the first count.

Edit: Counts 2~34 guilty.

We got a total sweep.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 5 months ago

🧹🧹🧹

[–] [email protected] 78 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Did you make this mockup or has the current state of American legal reporting devolved into a Sportsnet style scoreboard?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago

American legal reporting devolved into a Sportsnet style scoreboard?

How else are we supposed to understand it? Go away, I'm batin.

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

This quick must be guilty. I’ll allow myself to hope. Edit:

lock him the fuck up

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Lock ~~her~~ him up!

We even have signs that will work for this occasion with a slight modification.

[–] [email protected] 63 points 5 months ago (1 children)

One way or the other, it will be historic. This is much faster than I expected the Jury to deliberate.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

I assume if they have a verdict it’s guilty. Could be wrong.

Edit: update convicted on all 34 counts. From the article’s update:

Mr. Trump was convicted on all 34 counts of falsifying business recordsby a jury of 12 New Yorkers, who deliberated over two days to reach a decision in a case rife with descriptions of secret deals, tabloid scandal and an Oval Office pact with echoes of Watergate. The jury found that Mr. Trump had faked records to conceal the purpose of money given to his onetime fixer, Michael D. Cohen. The false records disguised the payments as ordinary legal expenses when in truth, Mr. Trump was reimbursing Mr. Cohen for a $130,000 hush-money deal the fixer struck with the porn star Stormy Daniels to silence her account of a sexual liaison with Mr. Trump.

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 5 months ago (6 children)

Former President and convicted felon, Donald J Trump

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

In other news, some little-known actor committed multiple felonies. Probably will end up on the front of grocery store tabloids. ;)

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 5 months ago (8 children)

First time in history a candidate running for president can’t legally vote for themselves?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (10 children)

I bet some female ran prior to female suffrage.

kagis

Yeah.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_Woodhull

Victoria Claflin Woodhull (born Victoria California Claflin; September 23, 1838 – June 9, 1927), later Victoria Woodhull Martin, was an American leader of the women's suffrage movement who ran for president of the United States in the 1872 election. While many historians and authors agree that Woodhull was the first woman to run for the presidency,[2] some disagree with classifying it as a true candidacy because she was younger than the constitutionally mandated age of 35. (Woodhull's 35th birthday was in September 1873, six months after the March inauguration.)

An activist for women's rights and labor reforms, Woodhull was also an advocate of "free love", by which she meant the freedom to marry, divorce and bear children without social restriction or government interference.[3] "They cannot roll back the rising tide of reform," she often said. "The world moves."[4]

Woodhull twice went from rags to riches, her first fortune being made on the road as a magnetic healer[5] before she joined the spiritualist movement in the 1870s.[6] Authorship of many of her articles is disputed (many of her speeches on these topics were collaborations between Woodhull, her backers, and her second husband, Colonel James Blood[7]). Together with her sister, Tennessee Claflin, she was the first woman to operate a brokerage firm on Wall Street,[8] making a second, and more reputable fortune.[9] They were among the first women to found a newspaper in the United States, Woodhull & Claflin's Weekly, which began publication in 1870.[10]

Woodhull was politically active in the early 1870s when she was nominated as the first woman candidate for the United States presidency.[8] Woodhull was the candidate in 1872 from the Equal Rights Party, supporting women's suffrage and equal rights; her running mate (unbeknownst to him) was abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass. Her campaign inspired at least one other woman – apart from her sister – to run for Congress.[8] A check on her activities occurred when she was arrested on obscenity charges a few days before the election. Her paper had published an account of the alleged adulterous affair between the prominent minister Henry Ward Beecher and Elizabeth Richards Tilton which had rather more detail than was considered proper at the time. However, it all added to the sensational coverage of her candidacy.[11]

Heh, and she was in trouble with the law in the runup to the election like Trump, too.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Now the judge who Trump has been royally pissing off the whole time gets to sentence him. If your justice boner lasts for more than 4 hours, please consult a doctor.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

FYI: Sentencing is set for July 11 at 10 a.m.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Despite @[email protected] doing it first, this is my domain.

Don't do a Riker on my turf, damn it.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Hey now, on this occasion there's enough Riker to go around for all of us.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

You can never have too much Riker….(the 14 year old girl who was me, waiting impatiently for TNG to come on…for the sci-fi…and the Riker).

I met Jonathan Frakes at a con once and told him I had the biggest crush on him when I was a teenager. He said, “Well what changed?”

Riker gonna Riker lol

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (9 children)

Do you guys think this matters to his voters/supporters?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (4 children)

This is going to give a lot of GOP Senators a fig leaf.

If someone puts a motion in Congress to make it illegal for him to run, a lot of them will vote for it.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 months ago (7 children)

I absolutely do not want a ban on felons running for President. In some countries, that is used as a political tool to eliminate political opponents. Putin used that against Navalny.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-42479909

Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny has been formally barred from competing in next year's presidential election.

The Central Electoral Commission has said Mr Navalny was ineligible because of a corruption conviction which he says is politically motivated.

He has urged his supporters to boycott the March vote.

Mr Navalny, 41, was widely regarded as the only candidate with a chance of challenging President Vladimir Putin.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (2 children)

It'll probably be good for his campaign somehow

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)

So TIL my parents will be voting for a convicted felon in November 🤦‍♀️

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The GOP could have gotten off this wild ride at so many points in the last 8 years, yet here we are. A republican presidential nominee who has been convicted of felonies.

Edit: And with Biden’s poll numbers they could have run literally anybody else and won.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Holy fucking shit, I need to eat my shoe

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Today is a very good day.

Now on the downside, convicted felons are still legally allowed to run for office. Not being able to vote for himself is delicious schadenfreude, but this doesn't suddenly save democracy. However, I would expect Biden's administration will push this hard, and I don't think undecided voters want a felon in the White House.

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