this post was submitted on 25 May 2024
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[–] [email protected] 44 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Just in case someone runs into this. "I do not consent to any searches"

[–] [email protected] 38 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

spoilerasdfasfasfasfas

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"Please don't search my butthole."

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago

"No really. PLEASE do not, no matter what you do, do not search my butthole. Please."

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

And then get probable caused

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago

What’s in the car?

Paperwork officer. Got dinner plans?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Anything in the car I should know about?

Yep, the mother fucking 4th Amendment is in here.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I am sorry I am not familiar with it. I am going to have to look around your car so I can find it and read it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Now I know it would piss them off. I might just print it out. Just because.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

If I have nothing to hide, the cop has nothing to see.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Why does the cop have a flashlight?

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Because they normally can't just walk up immediately pointing their gun at you. Yet.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

"I'm sorry officer, I... didn't know I couldn't do that."

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Because it would be weird if he had a fleshlight instead

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

There's a funny story from the Holocaust (yeah... bear with me)

Nazis come into Corrie Ten Boom's household, and they're hiding Jews. Corrie's sister has... perhaps an over-developed sense of honesty. Nazis demand, "where are the Jews!" The sister replies truthfully, "under the table." Nazis don't want to fall for it and look stupid so they don't look under the table, and leave without finding them!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

"Talk to my lawyer."

Turns hand into a mouth

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Once had a cop ask me "got anything in your pockets you're not supposed to have?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Little the cop knows that had you brother baseball cards in your pocket without your brothers permission

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

*Bright sunny day*

*Points flashlight*

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I own several flashlights that can be clearly seen pointing on the ground in broad daylight.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

that third part of the transcript wouldn't play out like that