this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] ICastFist 2 points 1 year ago

Games should always be socially acceptable, and my recommendation is for you to look for women who, even if they don't play, would be willing to try something. Start with something that's easy to learn and that you can play together, like Bomberman (the old SNES ones are still great). Coop will always work better at first, it makes a clear message that you're not there "to win", you're there "to teach"

I strongly suspect most women don't play because they see games as something "for boys". Not many ever had the opportunity to play anything when they were younger and most dismiss the games they actually play, like Candy Crush or whatever, as "not really games".

My ex never bothered with games, despite playing some flash stuff back in the late 2000's. To her surprise, she actually enjoyed playing Tekken 6, Torchlight 2 and Kirby Star Allies, all of which I gave her a chance to play. I also presented many other games, but she didn't show any interest, so I didn't push them. Even my mom, who always despised me and my games, plays one of those Hidden Objects games every day (used to only play Solitaire and Freecell).

My nephews don't have a videogame or PC for themselves, but on 2 occasions that I set up something for them to play, they had a blast, once beating each other on Street Fighter 2, the other getting lost and yelling at each other in Super Mario 3D World.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

From my parents, my wife, and her parents I definitely got a, "Oh you still play games, like you're a kid. That's cute." vibe. But they we're pretty accepting once they realized it wasn't some hold over phase from being a teenager and a legitimate hobby with a community that increases technical knowledge, too.

That being said I still feel like a kid in one respect. You know that meme, where you're playing an online game and your mom comes in and says "Pause it and come to dinner." I get similar comments from my wife. And she'll get annoyed sometimes. Like, "I needed you help on something but I guess your game is more important." But I just sunk 45 mins of effort into a match of CS:GO, my rank is on the line which I've spent a lot more time on, it's actually pretty rude to ask me to drop that because you want the trash out. Not to mention I'm tanking my teammates ranks. Like if my hobby was soccer, you wouldn't walk out onto the pitch during a game holding everyone up and expect me to have a conversation about repainting the bathroom. But because they can't see the game, they don't get it.

So in that respect it can be difficult as an adult. You do have more responsibilities and relationships you need to maintain. So you need to be clear about setting aside time for your hobby. Communicate well with those in your life about it and what you need from them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I love the soccer pitch analogy! So true and the disadvantage of a home based hobby!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

There's absolutely no age cut off for video games. I would even go further and say that more seniors should play video games.

But, I also wouldn't be too judgy with people who think video games are for kids. This is all thanks to decades of marketing. Atari, the first popular video game console, was sold along side TVs and other electronics and was targeted towards everyone. But then Nintendo decided to market their console as a toy, instead of a consumer electronics product. Also, they had to pick a "boy" vs "girl" aisle, and they picked "boy", which is why video games aren't seen as girly.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

While I do think there's probably more younger people across the spectrum playing games than older folk, I still think you can find the person you're looking for. It's definitely become more socially acceptable I think for younger generations it's just become a more normal thing integrated into social life. Oh we can't go out? I'm down for some Minecraft or Animal Crossing, etc. I've known lots of women over the years that were "cool" and "attractive" but were heavy into video games. Older folk in general skew towards thinking they are smashing or juvenile. We had recently pitched a club at my library district, but once it reached the older board people, they didn't understand why one would even pose the idea in such an "institution," totally missing why gaming can be an incredibly nourishing hobby for everyone in some form. But yeah, even at my job I tend to find most older women roll their eyes at the thought of video games (I work with mostly middle aged women 40-60 with a few younger aged folk sprinkled in there). Games as a hobby has become more progressive aiming for all sorts of people, Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc. have all broken down a lot of walls for younger generations. Obviously misogyny is gonna still exist thanks to how early gaming marketing skewed perspective of video games as well as shooters and their tone being heavily ostracizing to women. Games like Fortnite let you gun down Goku as Ariana Grande, and shit like that does go a long ways to reaching different people.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Hmm I don't think there is a cutoff necessarily but it doesn't surprise me many people currently in their late 40s wouldn't be much into them. I'm a 37/F myself and most of my friends play video games, but then again I'm part of a crowd of childless nerdy types. I guess it all just depends on the type of person you're hanging out with and what their lifestyle is all about. Women who play video games and are currently in their late 40s probably live a more alternative lifestyle in general.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

200; It's pretty hard to play if you're dead

Anyone who thinks differently is not for you. People can do almost whatever they want for fun, as long as it's legal. Labeling someone childish because they like something is stupid; what am I going to do, drink all day, go to bars, hike, travel, play sports, do n'th paid activity, etc? Some people have the time, money or health that allows or disallows them to do these things, and some people do or don't have the interest. Tons of people enjoy watching tv shows. Are we supposed to grow out of that too? By that logic, we shouldn't enjoy anything we did as kids and just do things only relegated to adults.

Id say most people regardless of when they were born think like this unless they themselves play games. It's more socially acceptable amongst the younger generation right now (e.g. college graduates) and probably because they're still considered young. Kids have more free time than adults and the barrier to entry for them is low. Parents often see their kids playing games and in genral have a negative attitude towards them for consuming time. Id say as people go into their 30s and 40s its considered less acceptable because societal expectations are that people will work and get married and have kids by then, and they'd have less time for solo activities. Going to the bar while having young kids or other activities is less acceptable. As kids get older their parents have more time for fun, but playing games is seen as childish because they either see their kids playing or because its something from their own childhood and other ventures that cost money like travel are now available to them when they werent as kids

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

There isnt one. Its a stupid stigma. Keep looking until you find someone who isnt a dipshit about it. Age gating fun is always stupid.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

There's definitely not an age cut off. In 60 years there's going to be 80 year olds teabagging people in VR Halo Bloodgulch.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I’m closer to 40 than 30, and I play video games basically every day. My spouse is super supportive. The only thing that’s changed is that I don’t play PC games unless it’s on my steam deck, because I already spend too much time at a desk working. But I have a PS5 that I finally bought a racing wheel for, and Ive been logging tons of hours on TOTK.

Basically, find someone who appreciates you and your hobbies. Being a gamer isn’t a bad one, despite what those of us that grew up adjacent to Gen X might think.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm 33/m and also dating. From my experience, women my age vary around attitudes to video games but generally appreciate that it's a valid form of entertainment alongside movies and TV. I don't think it's an age thing as much as a generation thing - nowadays they're part of popular culture whether you're into them or not, so most people up to mid-30s grew up around them.

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[–] freakrho 1 points 1 year ago

what i see today is games are super accessible and everyone owns a portable gaming device, my parents are over 60 and they both play games on their phones, although they would't consider themselves gamers or anything close

i think the barrier to entry on core games gets higher with age so casual games on phones fit nicely within that demographic

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

53 here, not playing online multiplayer anymore (frustrated with being unable to compete at the same level due to work stress, and time commitments in general), but I do have 4 digit hours of Civilization. Thinking back, almost 20 years ago I got anti-gaming vibes from my peer group. Fuck 'em, do what you want.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I am almost 40 also, and game alot. One thing to remember that our generation is the first to actually game their whole life, nes etc made gaming popular.

Older generations haven't had mainstream gaming, so it is wierd to think people born in 50-60 to game, because games didn't exist when they were young. We on the other hand have grown with the games.

So I think from ten year on, it will be normal to have LAN parties in your elderly home.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’m 40, but I play online with quite a few people who are my age or older. On the dating scene, I wouldn’t know because I’ve been married 19 years, but I’d guess that there is some reluctance from women (especially those who don’t also play) to have a partner who would fit the stereotypical “gamer ignoring his girlfriend” or dude who’s a misogynistic dick online who uses games as a way to flex his imaginary hyper masculinity.

My move has always been, and will always be, to prioritize people in the room, especially her, when I’m in the headset. If that means we lose, we lose. It’s just a game (though I love them and often get totally immersed). Most of my longtime gaming friends with families (I have two kids as well) completely understand, and I do the same when they have IRL interruptions.

As for if there’s a cutoff? HELL NO.

As for if there’s a generational gap? Hell yes…but I’d say you’re just at the bleeding edge. Keep doing you and looking for like minded people and you’ll just be the oldest of the “Old Man League Bball team, Videogames Edition”. My crew loves our version of that guy… and so does his long time partner. 🙂

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

That's fair, I can see that people don't want to be ignored and if your model for what gaming looks like is your son swearing at random strangers and throwing his controller across the room, I can see that you wouldn't want to invite that into your life!

I wonder if sports hobbyists get the same? I see a lot of profiles that say they're not interested in pictures of you with a fish so maybe the fisherman community is full of these complaints too 😁

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Born before 86 and it's one of my main hobbies. A large percentage of my friends are gamers of various kinds. I don't think there's a cut off, just people that get too caught up in defining what adulthood is and not letting fun and individuality be part of it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Even if there was a cutoff age, it would be changing every year as millennials age up and the gaming industry does a better job at targeting older players.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I did work for a company who ran various care homes across the country. Some for people with ill health, some just for old age. The changes care homes were having to adapt to was interesting. Not only more openly gay relationships, various different religions, etc... But also a vastly different array of hobbies, and that for some included gaming. This meant care homes having to upgrade internet/wifi, and many other adaptions. Some used handheld games machines, or mobile phones. A couple had PCs. I don't recall seeing any Mac's. A few had games machines. One elderly lady adored her original Gameboy. So it does take all sorts.

Now I'm the same age as you, so I can recall growing up and 99% of girls at school just switched off at talk of the latest game for the Spectrum 48k. We would get called geek, and other names. To a point, the stereotype will stick with some people as they grow up. But I find many, regardless of gender, do or will play games. Even if it's some form of Snake of their phone. Or maybe board games. It's all about having fun, pure and simple. Maybe they have fun in other ways. Maybe you're not compatible? I have always had the rules that a future partner would need to enjoy games at some level, mobile phone, board games, card games, etc... Have to own books and read. Have a love of music. Beyond that, it's negotiable.

So an age limit on games, nah!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm 50. I've been gaming since my Dad won a Pong console at a work thing. I still love gaming, and so do a lot of other older men. Hell, the discussion at the lunch table at work today was about all the shit people are doing in Zelda. This was a group of 4 guys, all well over 30 (except one guy who just turned 30), all very successful..

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