this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

37 year old gamer here, time to start dating 20-somethings 😉

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’m a similar age and also a gamer. For me it feels generational more than age. Gen X always seemed to see video games as a kids activity, even when they were in their 20s. While millennials see it as just another pastime, like tv and movies.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

If anything, playing games keeps your mind into complex entertainment which should keep the brain young. Sure beats just mindlessly watching TV all day though just make sure you still touch grass every once in awhile.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I don't think there is a cutoff age, but I have noticed that non-gamers see gaming more like watching TV, i. e. a passive, somewhat trivial form of entertainment. The reason is because people tend to first think of Tetris and not Disco Elysium or Persona, or VR games. They just don't know that it is an intellectually actibe and stimulating hobby. But I cannot fault them for that. Imagine telling someone your hobby is watching TV. I did tell my SO that I like gaming, but I also like other things that they enjoy too. If she ever asks me about it though, I am happy to talk about it or show something to her.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I don't think there's one. Still, I find it a bit funny thinking of myself and my partner sitting next to each other, each on our own gaming PC, once we're old (or should I say older, yikes the 90s really were almost 30 years ago...)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I’m 34 and can’t say I’ve ever had this problem. All the people I’ve gone out with just see it as a hobby I have and nothing else. I think the may problem is when people assume you don’t have any other hobbies or don’t do anything else because you like video games. I find that as I get older I’m gravitating towards vastly different hobbies so when the topic of video games comes up their reaction is usually what you describe: “Ah my kids love them!” then we move on to the next topic. That has never been a deal breaker though, which I assume is what you’re somewhat implying in your post.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My parents are in their 50s and do not view video games as an unusual hobby. My father regularly plays games with his friends (aged 30s to 50s) on Friday nights and the weekend.

The only person I've met who viewed video games like what you describe was a mid-60s gentleman who struggled to believe that I played video games regularly and had a good GPA in college. His hobbies were golf and walking, though, so he wasn't about to call anyone else's hobby "boring."

There is no age or demographic for whom video games are an unacceptable pastime. There are merely individuals who have their own weird hangups regarding the hobbies of others.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.

There's no drop off for gaming.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You hit it yesterday. A squad has been dispatched to retrieve your computer. I'm sorry.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Def no acceptable age as in videogames are great for any age.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

The discussions about gaming (you're too old / it's for kids etc.) really shit me. If you want to talk about volume of screentime, that's perfectly reasonable. But if I chose to game instead of watch a movie / sports game / be on my phone, then that's my choice.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Honestly I feel like anyone who doesn't play video games in 2023 is out of touch but that might just be my internet native speaking

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm early gen Z and will continue gaming when I get older definitely. It's just a generational thing I think,

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It's becoming more accepted. I have a few friends in their 40s who are the biggest gamers I know. You may be on the edge of what might be seen as an "acceptable " age, but it is very common for adults. I can see how dating might bring out the judgement in some people, but you shouldn't have to repress that part of yourself, especially since you do it with your kids. As it becomes more and more common many people won't stop doing something they loved doing their whole lives.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Depending on the person, it's not acceptable at any age. However, why would you want to be with someone so judgmental? It's easy to be accepting of hobbies other than your own if you're a decent person. After all, it's not like you would have all of your hobbies in common with your significant other, right?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm about your age (48) and game. I don't think there's a cut-off date as such, but it's a little bit of several things.

There is certainly a generational angle. When we were growing up in the 80s and early 90s, playing computer games was definitely not an activity targeted at adults, and gamers were generally seen as geeks and nerds. This changed of course, but other people who grew up at the same time as us but never got into games may still hang onto that image.

Gender also plays a role, women our age are a lot less likely to have ever been into games. My girlfriend for example has no problems with it but she never gamed herself and doesn't really understand it. If I think of female friends and acquaintances, I know only one woman who games as well, but she's already 8 years younger.

There's also the fact that many men do in fact grow out of gaming as they get older, start to have more responsibilities and less free time and when other interests and hobbies start to compete for that limited free time. I notice that in myself too, it's a lot less important to me now than it was 25 years ago.

Then there's the slightly uncomfortable fact that many women simply find it unattractive when a man lists gaming as a hobby, and see it as a red flag, perhaps because they associate it with certain stereotypes of people who are obsessive about it and whose whole personality revolves around gaming, perhaps because they have previous bad experiences with it, or perhaps because it's something they simply can't relate with. Maybe gamers are to women what "horse girls" are to men? :)

I think the best way to handle it on the dating scene is to show that you're a functioning adult with a well rounded personality and a variety of interests, who just happens to game as well. At the end of the day, you have to have enough common ground to start a relationship with someone.

[–] Hexarei 3 points 1 year ago

No age cut-off in my book. Play what you want at whatever age you want.

I will personally play video games until I am at an age where I am physically unable.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Never too old and if anyone says it is just ignore them, not their life to dictate. I will never understand why anyone would give up what they find fun because someone else finds it silly or 'not socially acceptable'. Its just them trying to press their own opinions of whats acceptable like its a fact.

I'll never stop gaming, if someone didn't like that to the point they judge me or try and tell me to stop its not a person I'd care to be friends with or talk to anyways. I'm not that old but when I was younger I got berated all the time for gaming, very glad I ignored all that nonsense and kept doing what I enjoyed. I've got a good career path out of it and friends I met online through gaming who now live close by.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Considering the popularity of Gaming Grandma, I think it's just the stereotypes. Until recently, even social media was a nerd thing that brought out thoughts of smelly social rejects not respecting social spaces.

The internet is only just now not for social rejects, gaming being labeled for kids and something you outgrow seems to be an individual choice brought on ( often as I see) to peer pressure to stop in the first place.

I'd say there's not a cut off, people just have some really shit opinions about things they should just stfu about. I grew up in the South and I abandoned trying to follow the minds of judgemental folks a long time ago. Half the time they're just jealous you live your life and they haven't managed to keep their personality after getting married and having kids. 😂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

There's no cutoff. Find a better dating pool.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

So our discord regularly has friends and family in the age range from 17-59 currently who all game and socialise together. I don't think there is a limit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm 41 and not only do I play games everyday I also develop them. My girlfriend enjoys the fact that I play games. When we aren't together a lot of the time I will stream them and most of the time she's my only viewer lol

She is very supportive and encouraged me to do things that are fun.

Honestly, if the women you are meeting aren't supportive of your hobbies and what you enjoy doing to relax, then trust me when I say you don't want anything to do with them. These women are telling you who they are, believe them and steer clear.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I think there are some people who get out of touch due to things like kids or work and it was just seen as something you grow out of. But I think people generally have more of a work/life balance now. And they also realize that you can play games with kids when they are old enough.

I know for me personally, what will most likely happen is that I will always love and cherish video games as an artform no matter what. What will change is the amount of time I have to play.

As long as you are still enjoying gaming. Keep going!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Do what you want. I'll play until I'm dead.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I can totally see why back then, 40 years ago, they felt like it was discriminatory. It's like adding the word "Chinese" or "Russian" Infront of a product. Seeing that country name infront of product might reduce the amount of people that purchase the item. The initial feeling of discrimination can last for years, even if the word and the world outlook has moved on. It's not so easy to tell someone to forget it especially if you need to make money off of it for your livelihood. Of course some of those games are famous now a days, but if you had a rough start in your 20-30, you'll remember it for a long time.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I feel like the socially acceptable cutoff is around your first corporate job where I live. After that people will say you are a geek

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Interesting question! For me it feels like both a social group and age-based thing. I know of a couple co-workers in their upper 30s / mid 40s who play video games and we’ll chat about games very occasionally. My ex’s friends were all mid-twenties folks and gaming was one of their multiple hobbies.

But in general, I wouldn’t bring video games up with the majority of my other co-workers, and certainly not during small talk with more-or-less strangers (chiropractor, barbers, etc), whereas every other hobby I’d be cool talking to strangers about. I think I’ve been socialized to feel like gaming is “immature” and only to be talked about with other people “in the know” so I don’t feel judged for enjoying it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Really well put, I think I agree with what you're saying. If I look at some of my hobbies:

  • Running: Very acceptable, bring up with anyone any time
  • Golf: Acceptable, possibility of obsessive/borish
  • Board games: Lightly acceptable, definitely geeky, low conversational value
  • Video games: Immature, very geeky, bring up if the other person seems like the type
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm 50. I just don't talk about it unless I secretly find out that my friends game. Acually a lot of them do. But, yeah, I don't talk to girls about it. Though sometimes you might find one that's into it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I feel like several things are intersecting here:

  1. PC gaming took off in the 90s. I'm not clear on the history of consoles but I'm wondering if they became widespread in the 80s? Having these devices at home probably created a larger generation of gamers.

  2. Gaming was "for boys" until very recently, and tbh the inclusion of women as the default audience for games is still a work in progress. Game protagonists are usually male, romance options usually assume the player is a straight man, even the quests and the way NPCs are written are colored by these assumptions.

  3. Video games have gotten so much more complex in a very short amount of time. The storylines are richer, the writing and visual effects have gotten signifixlcantly better. Someone who has only experienced early arcade games or clicker mobile games wouldn't see gaming in general as a worthy hobby for adults.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I am a 55 year old gamer, and I'll probably be gaming until I die. It's entirely up to you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There shouldn't be a cutoff, of course. As the current demographic gets older, I bet the stigma will keep dying down. Sorry to hear about your difficulties, though.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Yeah i'm in my 30s and still enjoy playing games, nice way to relax at the end of the day.

Related question though: any good Minecraft channels on youtube that aren't made for children? I'm just starting to get in to minecraft now and it's been super fun, but the youtube playthroughs I've been looking at have all been...seeming to not be catering to an audience my age, to put it politely.

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