this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2024
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Actual article title: O.J. Simpson, former football star acquitted of murder, dies at 76.

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[–] [email protected] 222 points 7 months ago (1 children)

In an odd coincidence, the real killer reportedly died at the exact same time.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 7 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 165 points 7 months ago (1 children)

"On April 10th, our father, Orenthal James Simpson, succumbed to his battle with cancer."

Asked to comment, the cancer claimed innocence and vowed to catch the real killer.

(that one's for you, Norm)

[–] [email protected] 29 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

If the cancer type does not fit, then you must acquit.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I was looking into the people involved, and Don Ohlmeyer, the guy who had Norm fired from SNL in 1998 for his OJ jokes, died of cancer in 2017. Norm did in 2021. And now OJ. Fuck cancer (and also OJ).

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Man, jokes aside, fuck cancer.

Amen/Fucking-A.

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[–] [email protected] 144 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Finally, OJ can rest knowing his wife’s killer is dead.

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[–] [email protected] 120 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 90 points 7 months ago (4 children)

This just makes me miiss Norm McDonald

[–] [email protected] 58 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (29 children)
[–] [email protected] 48 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

He knew he would be fired if he didn't stop. He didn't stop. That absolute legend.

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 7 months ago

Rest In Piss

[–] [email protected] 57 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Me in high school watching the Bronco chase:

“Fuck, this asshole is going ruin the Naked Gun movies for me now.”

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 7 months ago (2 children)

One of the football greats, but the whole murder thing was a real bad look tbh

[–] [email protected] 32 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I would have led with murderer who happened to play football well, but that's just me

[–] [email protected] 56 points 7 months ago (2 children)

That makes no sense considering he was a terrible amateur murderer, but an incredible pro football player.

If Lebron died would you list him as an actor who happened to play basketball??

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Hahaha, your response legit cracked me up.

Fair point

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The other thread got deleted but @[email protected] threw down this gem that cracked me up

[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago

"If I Did It" by CANCER

[–] [email protected] 51 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Bye Norbert. Too bad you turned out to be a cunt.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I know, it sucks. Naked Gun is one of my favorites, and he was great in it. Too bad he turned out to be a shithead.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 7 months ago

One of the few times where you root for the cancer

[–] [email protected] 44 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It will be interesting to see what the Bills do. He played a bit before my time, but he was a big part of the Bills identity in the 70s.

I've heard lots of stories about how good OJ was at knifing through the backfield....

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Are we still doing "phrasing"?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I phrased that perfectly, thank you very much.....

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago

Yes, you did. 🤌

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago

Oh nooo……who will the news channels reach out to now when they desperately need legal advice on critical issues like should it be illegal to pay hush money payment to a pornstar to influence the election outcome?

Such a tragedy

[–] [email protected] 20 points 7 months ago

They finally squeezed the Juice.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Did he ever find the killer like he said he would?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago

He did though! Every morning when he got up, he stared him in the face as he brushed his teeth

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

Good riddance.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I was wondering why the world felt like it was a better place.

I'm glad that cancer was finally able to shake the OJ Simpson disease and is feeling much better.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (13 children)

I personally think he was guilty and that the jury made the right decision. Such a fucking mess.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, the lawyer did a great job creating "reasonable doubt." I think if we want a justice system that defaults toward innocence, we have to be willing to let a murderer out on the streets for every 100 innocents who also walk. I'd rather have that result than jailing 100 innocents so we can catch the one murderer.

[–] MagicShel 12 points 7 months ago (6 children)

I really don't think the doubt was reasonable. At least I'm 100% certain he was guilty and was ever since I watched the car chase. The cops fucking up the investigation has no impact on what I saw with my own eyes.

An innocent rich man doesn't fucking run away from the cops and have to be talked out of suicide to face trial. No fucking way.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You think so? I don't know... I mean, he did publish a book that detailed exactly how the crime happened and why but the title is called "If I Did It" not "I Did It" so we can't be sure...

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

They tried to frame a guilty man.

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